Care and Feeding of the Puppy Prince

Dogs are cute … and a stack of fun! But, dogs are also a lot of work.

I decided to get Jake (a rescue) about six months after I lost Marty. He and I had been together for over 12 years. During my grieving, I realized that I am a dog person. I really like having canine companionship. I knew I would end up with another dog. I had grown up with dogs but I spent most of my 20’s dogless. This time, I knew I wouldn’t be without a dog for long.

It was an easy decision to get Jake and keep doing what I had grown accustomed to doing (getting vet coverage, paying for flea and heartworm treatments, grooming, daily walks, finding a sitter when I would be out late or out of town….)

Prince Jake!

It wasn’t so easy when I decided to get Marty. Getting a dog after going so long without one, I knew would be challenging. My lifestyle would have to change. No more getting up and rushing out the door for work in 15 minutes flat. He would require my time, my money, and my care (he can’t feed and groom himself). I would do all of that in exchange for his love, his loyalty and a belly full of laughs.

When I got Marty he was 2 years old, trained and housebroken. A family was moving to another state and decided not to take him with them. I got him just before the shelter did. Together we traipsed across the country and back. I had to find dog-friendly hotels along the way. In addition to packing my stuff, I made sure I had water and food for him during our long drives.

You see, a canine (or feline) is work. It is fun work. It is rewarding work but make no doubt about it, it is work! I have a neighbor who got a dog because his 3-year old wanted one. This Chihuahua (not a dog bred for the outdoors) is outside, barking incessantly 24-hours a day. If the temperature dips below freezing, they put her in the garage.

A decision to get a dog, like any other change in your lifestyle, shouldn’t be made lightly or on a whim. It takes thought and planning. By the time Marty (and Jake) walked through my door, they had health care, quality food (in cute bowls), a tag with their name on the front and my contact information on the back (also cute). I knew how dog expenses would fit into my budget. I knew how my morning and evening routines would change. I had someone on standby to take care of him if something came up.

These dogs had found their forever homes and there was no turning back. I held Marty when he was scared of thunderstorms. I cared for him when he was diagnosed with Cushings and needed expensive medicine and to be quarantined in the kitchen because he would have accidents. A few months ago, Jake was diagnosed with epilepsy. I cared for him when he’d had seizures and now I give him his medicines twice a day.

I would never compare pet ownership to marriage or childrearing. But I will say when it comes to any life-altering decision, it is essential to take the time and make the effort to think it through. You choose a restaurant on a whim, not a pet, partner or the decision to be a parent.

As for me and my current Puppy Prince, I am looking forward to years of laughter and love with Jake.

Offended? Get Over It!

Grow a thicker skin and let it go!

The Confederate battle flag is offensive to a lot of Black people. Say “Thank you Jesus” and a lot atheists are offended. Many redheads are offended by the term ‘ginger’. Feminists are often offended by cat-calls. Look at social media and you’ll see that people are offended by anything and everything all of the time. I guarantee I’m going to offend people with this post.

My advice … get over it.

Here is the thing, you getting offended is about you, not the person committing the offense. It normally doesn’t change anything … nor should it. Let me explain.

Since a sizable number of South Carolinians see the Confederate flag as a symbol of hate and not heritage, I personally do not think it should be flown over a state house that is supposed to represent all South Carolinians. HOWEVER, it is ridiculous that The Dukes of Hazard has been pulled from TV Land and that NASCAR doesn’t want people to fly the flag at races. You have the right to be offended but others have the right not to be. Your offense doesn’t trump someone else’s rights. Besides, the Dukes never hurt anybody!

Here are 10 things that offend me:

1. Having to see a man’s dingy underwear because his pants are hanging down You’d think these guys would go out of their way to have pristine underwear since they clearly want everyone to see it!
2. Hair colors that do not occur naturally in nature Bozo Red should never be a hair color. In fact, if the color is found in a pack of crayons and it isn’t black or brown, I’m offended
3. People who feel pajama bottoms are pants Let me get this straight. You walked out of the house and drove to the store in your PJs. On what planet is this okay?
4. Bad breath and body odor Unless you are homeless this should NEVER be a problem
5. People who have loud private conversations in the bathroom Let’s not forget the annoyed sigh when someone flushes. How dare someone flush a toilet in the bathroom!
6. People who call every compliment __________-shaming because it doesn’t apply to everyone Compliment a thin girl and it is fat shaming, compliment a big girl and you are shaming skinny girls. Sometimes a compliment is a compliment and not a diatribe
7. People who post their views on social media and then go off on a rant when someone posts an alternative viewpoint Yes, I am offended by your offense!
8. People who can’t decide what they want or have a massive order at the drive-thru Just get out of the car and take that mess inside, the rest of us are in a hurry
9. Stores that close a few minutes early and then I show up “Damn, they are supposed to close at 6:00 and it is 5:53!”
10. Using big words and compound-complex sentences to convince people that you’re smart Actually, you’re boring and I tuned you out ages ago

But later today, I’ll be at Wal-Mart where I am certain to see #1, #2, #3 and possible smell #4. Before I leave work though, I’ll run to the bathroom and most likely encounter #5. I might grab a quick bite to eat and encounter #8. Sometime today, I’ll check my Facebook and run into #6 and  #7. You see in the course of a day, I’ll encounter most of my list.  And you know what, that is okay.

As much as I would love a return to natural hair colors and pajamas worn indoors, my offense is my problem. The women with the Bozo hair probably loves it. The guy with the pants around his knees thinks it looks good (and so do his boys and his girlfriend).

What I won’t do is get my panties in a twist about it. I will roll my eyes and keep it moving. I won’t let the comical hair colors or loquacious people of the world (Ha! I just used a big word!) get the best of me. I’ve got more important things to do.

I won’t call for a boycott of indecisive patrons at the drive-thru.

I won’t try to pass a law against cell-phones in bathrooms.

Everyone who offends me is entitled to their offensive behaviors. You see, you are not always right. People don’t (and shouldn’t have to), do everything your way. The thought police and the politically correct posse have gone too far. We have to stop outlawing and picketing everything we are offended by. Again, Offended? It’s your problem and no one else’s. And it doesn’t even have to be a problem if people would learn to live and let live and just let shyt go.

If things keep going the way they are, it won’t be long before people are offended by you.

When they start passing laws and shaming people who car dance at stop lights, chat with the cashier at the check-out, and who make up songs and memes about their dog, I will be in big trouble.

Karyn's Self-Care Solution

Some times you need a reminder!

Without going into too many details, the past few months (the past year really) have been trying, stressful and often overwhelming. The past few weeks especially. Financial problems, career stress, even the home that is usually my sanctuary has become a major stressor.

So what does a Get It Together Girl do when the going gets tough? She rolls up her sleeves and works that much harder. But (and this is a big but) there are limits. When you reach those limits, cracks begin to appear. Things fall through those cracks and as the stress continues, those cracks become bigger and more perilous.

Stress manifests in different ways. This is what it looks for me.

• Insomnia: All week I lived off of 2 to 3 hours a night.
• Poor Diet: Sleepy and stressed, I went to my go tos: caffeine (Cokes and coffee), junk food (potato chips and Snickers bars) and fast food (Quarter Pounders).
• Emotional: Irritable, weepy and culminating in a major panic attack
• Forgetful: I had to record an interview for my podcast and I forgot to turn on the recorder, so I lost an hour’s worth of an amazing interview.
• Withdrawal: I slink into a corner when the going gets really tough. I don’t reach out to friends or use my support system like I should.
• Poor Judgment: After a series of air conditioner issues, the unit was running but I noticed there seemed to be water damage in the ceiling of my garage. After several days of progressive worsening damage, I decided to check it out. I climbed up to the space over the garage, slipped off of a beam and almost fell through the dry wall, ending up bruised and creating a big hole in my garage.

I knew I needed to do something to get back on track. So here was Karyn’s Self-Care Solution:

• Social: Friday night had a girl’s night out. We met for dinner and say Magic Mike: XXL. It felt good to be around friends. I needed that.
• Rest: When I got home, I ran a warm bath and went to bed. 12 hours later, I woke up. I needed that.
• Diet: After a good night’s sleep (finally) it was time to deal with my diet. I went to the grocery store, loaded up on fruits and veggies. I had a big salad for lunch and a green smoothie. For the first time in over a week, I actually drank water.

For the rest of the day, I am catching up on some TV, journaling, hanging out with the dog and resting (and getting off the computer after I post this). Not up for fireworks tonight but it’s okay. I feel like my old self. Sure, I have things to do for my podcast. I have chores to take care of. But you know what? All of that can wait.

Going forward, I am going to make sleep and diet a priority. This week I plan on getting back to 9Round and working out too. You see, self-care at its most basic level isn’t about mani-pedis and bubble baths. It is about doing what you have to do to take care of your needs. I’m taking care of me.

Heritage, History ... and Hate?

Fly it over your own house; just
don't fly it over the statehouse.

I live 10 minutes away from South Carolina. The grief, confusion and anger over the nine people who lost their lives in Charleston is real. While we wait to see how this saga plays out, it has reopened the discussion of removing the Confederate flag from flying atop the South Carolina statehouse. I believe it is time to take it down.

Proponents of the flag cite ‘heritage’ as a reason it should continue to fly. They say, it isn’t even the Confederate flag. It is a battle flag flown by Confederate troops in Northern Virginia. I’m not going to dispute the history of the battle flag.

However, since that time, it has been appropriated by racists and Klansmen. It has been draped over lynching victims and used to terrorize Black people. For many South Carolinian and black people nationwide, the heritage it represents is one of hate, intolerance and violence.

With so many constituents offended by it, it should not be flown over a government building. Sell it in stores (I think Walmart, Sears and eBay should continue selling it). If it represents Southern heritage, then fly it proudly on your cars, over your home or even your churches, just don’t fly something so divisive over the statehouse. It is a slap in the face to a large portion of South Carolinian.

Here is the thing. Symbols change over time.

For centuries, the emblem known as a swastika was a symbol of prosperity for several Eastern religions. It was a positive symbol. Then Adolf Hitler and the Nazi party got a hold of it. And now? No one really cares about the heritage of that flag anymore. In Western society, it is synonymous with hate and Antisemitism.

I am not equating Confederate flag wavers with Nazis. I make the comparison to show that for a significant number of people a symbol of heritage has come to stand for something else – something darker, more sinister and even deadly.

Out of compassion, out of empathy, out of love, it should go.

NOTE: This topic comes with strong emotions. Notice, I did not insult or curse when stating my opinion. If you plan on stating yours, please show the same respect.

Get It Together Girl Blog - The Reboot

This glass is half-full - but the good
news is that it can be refilled!

July 10, 2008 is the date of my very first blog post. Back then, it was called, Lose the Excuses. I have been blogging faithfully ever since to inspire, inform and share my life with readers. At this point, I’m almost 800 posts in … or at least I should be.

I changed my blog host last year. Due to an issue with the host, I have just lost an entire year’s worth of blog posts. I was annoyed yesterday as I talked with tech support. I was infuriated when I was told they could recover my posts … but it would cost me. I passed on that and decided to take the loss.

I went back to my old blog host, about 100 posts lighter, but that is okay. I had to redesign this template to reflect my new website design and it took me about an hour but now I’m back in business.

The Get It Together Girl Blog continues.

Actually, I think this will be a good thing.

Lessons from Jake: Dog Fight!

I spent last week back home in Cleveland, and I took my dog Jake with me. If I didn’t think Jake needed a dog trainer before, I know he does now. He and my dad’s dog Bentley were natural enemies from the start. They were kept in separate sides of the house. It was crazy! What’s a poor pet owner to do!

I’ve had Jake for just a few months but he has taught me a lot so far. His ‘issues’ with Bentley made me think, “What happens when we humans encounter people that just rub us the wrong way?”

I’m a chronic (and recovering) people pleaser. I really, really, really want everyone to like me. However, as I’ve gotten older, I have realized that some people just don’t like me … and that’s okay. There are also people (not many but a few) that rub me the wrong way … and that is okay, too.

Here are four things to keep in mind when you find yourself dealing with someone you just don’t like.

1. Functional, not friendly. You can be cordial. You don’t have to be besties but acting respectfully and making basic conversation should be possible.
2.  Don’t share your dislike. Everyone doesn’t have to know how you feel about this person, this is especially true if they are family members!
3. Limit your contact. Chances are you’ll have to see this person at some time. However, you don’t need to sit right next to them on a 12-hour road trip or rub elbows with them over Thanksgiving dinner!
4. Don’t do the drama! Yes, you aren’t crazy about this person. Yes, they probably aren’t crazy about you either. However, do not dissect their every move or comment, looking for dirt. Looking for ways to dislike the person even more isn’t productive or helpful.

You might be oil and the other person could be vinegar. It's okay. Dislike doesn't have to descend into disgust. It is what it is. In the meantime, Jake will have a seat in some training program very soon!

Talkin' BlogTalkRadio!

There are as many reasons for having a BlogTalkRadio show as there are BlogTalkRadio hosts. The overwhelming majority of host get paid little to nothing to do their shows. However, a quick listen and you’ll find a lot of people with a lot of passion coming over the Internet airwaves. On tonight’s show, I’ll be talking to two members of my BlogTalkRadio family about their shows and why they do what they do.

Tekneshia Day is the host of The Bright Side with Teknesia which airs daily at noon and handles a myriad of topics. A trained journalist, BlogTalkRadio is part of Tekneshia’s way of branding herself as a broadcaster.

Myra Hunn is the host of Endless Encouragement. After a life filled with ups and downs, Myra knows first-hand how important encouragement is. Her show is perfect for people looking for a dose of positivity.

I love talking to passionate people and tonight’s show will be great because I’m talking to two passionate women.

Dads Rock!

Sure, it's the day after Father's Day, but it's never too late to celebrate dads. Tonight's show is dedicated to great dads. While we always hear about the absentee and dead bet dads, there are a lot of men who are doing a great job raising their kids and quietly take care of business. Saladin Davis is the oauthor of Life 101 and became a dad at the tender age of 13. Glenn Chester is one of the founders of BMRGA, Black Men Raising Girls Alone. Hogan Hilling is one of the co-authors of Dads Behaving Dadly.
Join us tonight, it will be a great show. In the meantime, here is a big of a tearjerker from Dove about dads.

Life Just Got Awesome!

A week ago today, my job ended and I set out on the journey of entrepreneurship. My workplace had become toxic and hostile and was only getting worse. As my work environment worsened, a  small voice continually whispered to me, “If you step out on faith and leave this job, you will not fall.”

As bad as things were, I had a reliable paycheck and benefits. Things were comfortable. Yet that same voice said, “Sometimes you have to give up good in order to move to great.” I had been preparing for this transition and when it came, I was neither surprised nor saddened. In fact, I was ready. I had planned for it.

I woke up Thursday morning to a whole new world. Gone was the stress and frustration. I worked out for the first time in a long time. The desire to ‘stress eat’, which I’d been doing daily at work, was gone. Just like that, I left it all behind. Immediately, I started working my plan.

If I feel any pressure, I feel the pressure to produce. I don’t have the safety net of a guaranteed paycheck. But, that’s okay. I move forward everyday with the confident assurance that things will work out.

I have the incredible opportunity to create my life my way and on my terms. I can do what I love and create a career that reflects my skills, my desires and my personality. Corporate America was not for me and if I have my way, I won’t go back to it. Every day, I heard, “Karyn you talk too much,” “Karyn sit down at your desk, you don’t want to be seen walking around too much,” “Karyn, don’t say that or tell that joke,” “Karyn don’t sing,” “Karyn, for goodness sake, stop dancing!”

Now, working for myself, I’ll talk as much as I want. I’ll walk around if I feel like it. I will tell as many corny jokes as I want to and my work day will have singing and dancing breaks built-in, thank you very much!

I am looking forward to growing my show, selling my books and becoming an in-demand professional speaker.

Last Wednesday, my life got awesome and it is only going to get better!

In Praise of Sister-Friends

Good friends are one of the things that make life worth living. I’m not talking about acquaintances but truly good friends, the ones who stand by you through thick and thin. They celebrate your successes with you and are right there with you with a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on or a gentle spirit when you go through your low points and setbacks.

I’ve been blessed with several good friends. While I don’t have a husband or a child of my own, I have a family of good sister-friends (and one brother-friend). What I love about friendship is that unlike family, you pick your friends and they both reflect and magnify what you are. You pick people who get you. You pick people who understand you. You pick people who support you and who you support as well.

Good friends truly are a blessing and if you have one or some, don’t hesitate to tell them how much they mean to you and add to your life.

Forgive ... and Forget????

I found this video by Dr. Paul that talks about forgiving and forgetting. He takes a realistic approach that states there may be some things that aren't forgiveable or that you don't want to forget. His focus is on relationships but what he says can be applied to a lot of different situations.

Want to be Happy (or Happier)? Tonight on Get It Together Girl Radio!

Personally, I don't think it is possible to be truly happy without gratitude and passion. When I talk about gratitude, I mean being thankful for what you have right now. It might not be what you want and you might not be where you want to be but you should be grateful for where you are right now. On the continuum of life, things could be better but they could also be a lot worse. Hillis Pugh, author of the book and blog, Thank You Thursdays, have a great conversation about what it means to be truly grateful and what to do when you are going through a difficult time and not feeling particularly thankful.

Next, I have a talk with transformational life coach Lana Green. Her take on finding your passion is slightly different from what you might think. Here's a hint, it's not really about what you do or don't do. I found Lana to be a very provocative interview and her take on passion and purpose are both refreshing and realistic.

Jake

My partner-in-crime Marty passed in September. A toy poodle, we were together for over a decade. He was the closest thing I had to a child. He was my baby. The grief was hard. Yet part of me missed canine companionship.

I sort of felt though that a new dog would be cheating on Marty. I decided to go to an adoption event. I didn’t find a dog there. But I started looking, I saw Toby, an adorable poodle mix with a cute underbite online and he was perfect. I instantly knew that this was the dog Marty wanted me to have.

My dad had a dog and he and Marty became best friends. They ate out of the same bowl, slept together on the same part of the sofa; they were inseparable. He was a poodle mix with a cute under bite and his name was Toby.

He’d been picked up from a shelter and was staying with a foster family. When I went to meet him, it was a done deal. He jumped into my lap and fell asleep. His foster parents were amazed at how quickly we bonded. In fact, they felt that he chose me as much as I chose him.

I am definitely a pet parent. Having Jake (I changed his name) has added that missing component to my life. Jake isn’t Marty. They are two very different dogs. The space in my heart for Marty will always be there and it will always be just for him. But Jake is occupying another space in my heart. There is room for both.

Tonight's Show: Secrets to Relationship Success

Men and women are different, we all know that. However, author of Relationship Rules and relationship expert, Janice Hoffman, uses those differences to get down to the things that both genders share – a desire to love and be loved. Her mentor, Dr. John Gray is the author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. She will be sharing tips from her toolbox on what we can do to help our relationships thrive.

Next up, Toni Henderson-Mayers  discusses her book, Wise Courtship. She has a three-step process for discovering the true character of your love interest. We’ll also discuss red flags and how much you really know about your partner. Toni challenges singles to make wise choices when choosing a partner. Are you up for the challenge?

Time for a Change

“So how’s that working for you?” This is Dr. Phil’s favorite question and when he asks it, the answer is usually ‘No’. Basically, it comes after the person he is interviewing describes their current situation and the behaviors that have led them to the show. Frankly, what they are doing isn’t working.

Tipping the scale at the heaviest I’ve ever been, I decided it was time for a change. I headed back to Weight Watchers. I had successfully lost weight on the program before and I was sure I could do it again. When I tell people I’m on the program, I get either one of two responses.

The first group of people are excited and happy for me. The second group says something like “I can’t count Points.” This is the beginning of a list of reasons why the plan wouldn’t work for them. First of all, I am not trying to recruit people. I’m doing this for me so whether or not the plan is for them is inconsequential.

Second, if what I was doing (fast food, sugary snacks, large portion sizes, occasional exercise) was working, I wouldn’t need Weight Watchers. If I wanted a change, I need to do something different. Different results require different actions. I could count points, purchase a lot of Jenny Craig or Nutri-System meals, eliminate carbs, take the latest weight loss pills, or kill myself at the gym,  but something would have to change.

The key is finding the right change for me. And although I am using weight loss as an example, this applies to any area where a change is desired. Want to save money? You have to change your spending. Want an improved relationship? You are both going to have to do some things differently if you want it to work.

Ask yourself, “How’s this working for me.?” If the answer is no, you know what you need to do!

Tonight's Show: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life!

I was a member of a church in Cleveland and every week we’d sing a song. The lyrics were simple but the meaning was profound.

Our thoughts are prayers.
And we are always praying.
Our thoughts are prayers.
Take heed of what your saying.

Your thoughts determine how you feel. How you feel determines how you will act. Yet, most of us live at the mercy of our thoughts. Instead of walking the dog, the dog is walking us! On tonight’s show, we’ll have Meg Alexander who is practitioner of Belief Repatterning.

Belief Repatterning goes beyond affirmations and positive thinking to the beliefs at the core that can change how you are thinking.

This show is a must for people who are struggling to make positive life changes. 

Badge of Honor Syndrome

I don’t know when this happened, but I’ve noticed that people taking pride in not taking care of themselves. In their eyes, it’s a good thing to not get enough sleep. Gorging on fast food or grabbing lunch from a vending machine means that they are working hard. You hear these people bragging about not having time to work out. For them, not having a vacation or even several days off is a sign of success. Spending time with family often becomes a casualty in this particularly skewed world view.  A lack of self-care becomes a badge of honor that they wear with pride.

I get it. America is built on the Puritan work ethic. Work is often more than a source of income. It becomes a central part of our identity. Even if you are just working a 40 hour work week, we spend more of our waking hours at work than we do with family.

Yet, is it really worth it? I’ve seen people with Badge of Honor syndrome lose their marriages, strain the relationship with their kids and even have strokes and panic attacks at work. I even had one boss who bragged about working through her health crisis.

The manager who lost her marriage, lost her precious job six months later. The one who sacrificed time with her kids for this massive project she was working on, didn’t receive the accolades or the promotion she wanted. The boss with the health crisis was forced out of her job and continues to overwork herself at her new job.

All of these women get a lot of satisfaction from their work. While satisfaction of work is a priority, it shouldn’t be the only one. You should have a life outside of work and taking care of yourself makes your work life and the rest of your life run that much more smoothly.

A life well lived is the real Badge of Honor.

Tonight's Show: It's about the Money Honey!

The fourth Get It Together Girl! workbook, It's about the Money, Honey - Stretching Your Dollars Makes Sense will be released in the coming weeks. In preparation for that, tonight's show is all about money,making the most of it and keeping it from ruining your relationship.

Rob Drury with the Association of Christian Advisors will talk about everything from managing a household budget to saving for retirement and building up college funds. Next up Diane Tegarden, author of Budgeting on a Dime, will discuss how money can impact your relationship and how changing your money habits can improve your relationships!

Want to call in with questions, the live show airs tonight at 8:00 PM (Eastern). Call (917) 889-3205. You can always catch the recorded show in the archive. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/getittogethergirl

In Harmony

If you want it, you have to act on it. Actions are essential to making things happen; but so is thinking. If you want true success, you can’t have one without the other.

What you think about, you bring about. During an interview on my show, Kevin Darne, author of My Cat Won’t Bark: A Relationship Epiphany, and I discussed some of the mistakes people make in online dating. He said often people, instead of describing what they are looking for in a potential partner, list all of the qualities they don’t want. To potential dates this comes across as negative and sometimes bitter. Ironically, this focus on the undesirable increases the likelihood of pushing away the very people they’d be most interested in meeting.

The universe works in the same way. Emphasize the negative and you’ll repel the good. Your thoughts, feelings and actions should be congruent. In other words, your thoughts, feelings and actions should be in harmony with one another. If your actions are positive but your thoughts and feelings are negative (or even ambivalent), you will not attract the result you are looking for.

Case in point, you work hard, putting in the overtime and saving your money; but your thoughts focus on not having enough and you always talk about being broke. Your actions are taking you one step forward while your thoughts and feelings are taking you two steps back. No wonder you aren’t having the success you’d hoped for!

Tonight's Show: Get Your Body Back!

When diagnosed with Type II Diabetes at the age of 41, Dr. Tom Yarema didn’t just want to live with it, he wanted to change his diagnosis entirely. Now, he helps others fight and win against what he feels is American’s most despicable chronic disease: obesity.

He is the author of Eat, Taste, Heal and the nationwide telemedicine program, Get Your Body Back. As a guest on Get It Together Girl, he’ll talk about the power of food, and how we can get our bodies back and by extension, get our lives back.