Revving Up for the Holidays!

We are less than two weeks away from Thanksgiving. There is a lot to look forward to: big, yummy holiday dinners, parties, shopping for gifts, decorating, seasonal music and the list goes on. But for many people, the holidays bring just as much stress as they do satisfaction. So, it might be a good time, before we get caught up in the midst of things, to take a moment and prepare for the not-so-nice aspects of the holidays.

Financial
We are technically out of the recession, but for a sizable number of people that fact hasn't caught up to our realities. In the midst of tight belts and tighter budgets, it is inevitable that some changes to traditional holiday spending might be in order.

Scale Back: Does everyone on your list need a gift? This especially applies to all of those acquaintance gifts. Little things can add up to a lot. When it comes to adult family members, consider skipping gift exchanges all together or possibly doing a Secret Santa with a spending limit.

Lower Expectations: When it comes to teens and older children, you might want to explain that Christmas might be a little different this year. It might not be possible to get everything on a long list but ask them what they would like the most or in a specific monetary range.

Family
For many this is either the best part of Christmas or the worst. The key here is to have a clear plan for those relatives that might try your patience or push your buttons.

Make It a Team Effort: Pair up with a sibling, cousin or friend that will be attending the same family function and lean on each other for support. Things immediately seem better when you realize that you aren't in it alone.

Set Boundaries: Who says you have to stay at the dinner all-day and well into the night? If you aren't hosting dinner, plan on leaving a little early. Let people know what is off-limits before hand, if possible. If you are dealing with unemployment or a recent divorce, let several supportive family members know that you would rather not talk about it. In fact, engage members of your team to help you out if those touchy subjects come up.

The key is to have a plan - whether it is a spending plan, a plan for handling family or for not eating too much at the company party - if you think it through in advance you will be able to avoid a lot of sticky or stressful situations, or at least get through them with less drama and damage.

Be a Giver

We’ve all heard that it is more blessed to give than to receive. But we live in a world where many are ruled by their wants and desires. When that adage comes up people think, “Yeah right, I’d much rather receive a flat-screen plasma television set than to give one away.” But there is some truth to this. There is a lot of truth to this.

Back in September, I lost my day job. It was completely unexpected. While I didn’t miss the job itself, I did miss my co-workers and I missed my paycheck. I get unemployment but it is not nearly as much as I had been making. Plus, I bought my first-house last year.

The first few weeks were fine but then the fear, the frustration and the anxiety set in. Add to that the admonishments from both friends and family that I, as a life coach, I should be beyond feelings of fear, frustration and anxiety.

But I pride myself on being honest and, honestly, I was scared and I felt like a fraud for being scared. Maybe they were right. If I were any kind of coach wouldn’t I be able to snap my fingers and banish these emotions in an instant? Shouldn’t I be able to be 100% positive all the time?

To make matters worse, I was alone. I live alone and that’s fine but with no job to go to, I was alone all day every day, all day. It was maddening. It was like being in solitary confinement. I had full days to dwell on my problems, my situation and myself. I would spend days operating on little to no sleep. I knew I needed to do something but I wasn’t sure what.

I reached out to a friend and she suggested that I find volunteer. It would get me out of the house and, if I found an organization that was a good fit, it would give me an opportunity to use some of my skills. “You can’t let your talents go to waste sitting at home,” she reasoned.

I didn’t hesitate. That night, I went online to Volunteer Match and I did a search on local non-profits. Jacob’s Ladder, a local job readiness training program, came up. It sounded perfect. I called the next day. I met with them later that week and started volunteering that next Monday.

I’ve been able to use my training expertise, my life coaching skills and what I know about job searching and interviewing. I have helped people with applications, resumes, getting professional clothes and interviewing. I have been able to help the students in the class become more proactive, develop workable goals and see things from a variety of different perspectives.

I have been giving of myself, my skills and my talents. It is, and continues to be, an amazing experience. While I have been giving, I’ve been receiving so much more. My outlook immediately improved. I began sleeping again. For the first time in weeks, I felt like myself again.

I also came to realize that feeling those feelings doesn’t make me any of a less effective coach. It makes me human. And now, I even believe that these kinds of experiences might even make me a better coach. I was down; but I didn’t stay there. I found a way to get up and I know that I can help others do the same.

However, my turn around started when I started to give.

Gut Check

There is the heart, there is the head, and then there is the gut. When I make my best decisions, I’m usually going with my gut.

My head tries to be rational and logical. It’s like Dragnet, “Just the facts, ma’am.” When I’m using my head, I’m writing lists of pros and cons. I’m thinking about the consequences. My head loves a logical argument and can be persuaded by the bottom line. It likes it when things are clear and final and most of all, when they make sense.

My heart is sensitive and emotional. It easily gets swept away. Like a sailboat, it goes whichever way the emotional winds are blowing. I can be swept away with love or fear or resentment or any number of intense emotions. It all depends. My heart loves strong and passionate feeling. It likes it when the emotion is so high that it almost takes my breath away.

But my gut is that mysterious feeling in the pit of my stomach. Unlike the other two, I’m still not sure how to convince it. It knows what it knows. It feels what it feels. And it has an uncanny track record of being right almost all of the time.

Of course, ideally, the three arrive at the same conclusion. There is no certainty quite like the certainty that comes when head, heart and gut agree. But when they don’t, I’ve learned to go with the gut.

When my heart is head over heels, but my gut tells me to proceed with caution. I tread lightly.
When my head says that the cons far outweigh the pros, but my guts says there is still something wrong. I step back instead of just jumping in.
But when my gut says it feels right, even when it doesn’t seem logical or when it isn’t the sexy and passionate thing to do, I make my move.

Of course, it’s taken me a while to get to this point, the seductiveness of the heart and the precision of the head can be hard to resist but they just haven’t given me the same consistency and reliability of my gut (and I have the heartaches and missteps to prove it).

When in doubt, go with the gut check. You won’t be disappointed.

Today's image is courtesy of http://serenadraws.wordpress.com/2009/04/

Who’s the Boss? YOU Are!

If the events of the past year have taught us anything it’s that nothing is guaranteed when it comes to employment.

I’ve seen people who felt secure and thought that it couldn’t happen to them, have it happen. I’ve seen people stay in jobs that no longer suit them or meet their needs because they are scared to even try to find something else. I have seen people put their heads down (like ostriches) and refuse to even acknowledge the firings, layoffs and downsizing going on around them. Hope is the only weapon in their arsenal.

These people are thinking like employees and in the 21st century that sort of thinking is as outdated as it is detrimental. Even if you never want to own our own business, even if you enjoy the benefits, consistent paycheck and workday routines that come with working for someone, you still need to look at yourself as a business owner. Your business is the business of you.

At its most basic level, you are offering your services in exchange for pay and benefits. It’s just that simple. Your job is to make sure that your services are services that an employer wants. That’s what an interview is. A company is sampling a number of similar products (applicants) to see which one they like best and which will fit best in their company.

You need to make sure that you are doing everything in your power to set yourself apart … even if you are happy where you are and are not looking for a job. You don’t know when you will be looking, so you should always be honing your skills and recording your accomplishments. Besides, these are the same skills that will help you when it’s time for your annual review or when you are up for a promotion.

So what does this mean for your everyday life? What has to change? Probably not much. But keep these things in mind.

1. Write Your Wins: Try to do this as they happen. Think of how difficult it is to prepare for your annual review when you have to remember all of the things you’ve done over the past year. Instead, keep a little document in Word where you can list your accomplishments as you go. Got Employee of the Month? Jot it down. Did you exceed your sales goal for the quarter? Make a note of it. Did you take a record-setting number of calls in one month? Write it down. This will come in handy when preparing for a review or when you are updating your resume.

2. Become a Sponge: In training, a sponge is someone who is in class to absorb as much information as possible. Take every opportunity you can to learn. Take as many classes, seminars and workshops as possible. Definitely take advantage of any training you can get from your company. However, be open to investing in a class or two on your own if need be. Always keep your skills current.

3. Act Like a CEO: It’s not up to your company to take care of you. The only person who will act in your best interest is you. Place your loyalty and your dedication where they belong, with you and not with your company. Give your best at the job you are in; but do it because it’s in your best interest and not because that’s what the company wants. If you see a better opportunity, don’t be afraid to take it out of some misguided sense of company loyalty. If you need a better opportunity, don’t be afraid to look for one and make a move if you find it.

No go ahead and take your place in the big corner office of You, Inc.!

Myth-Busters: Multi-Tasking

“There is time enough for everything in the course of the day, if you do but one thing at once, but there is not time enough in the year, if you will do two things at a time.” - Lord Chesterfield

Obviously, Lord Chesterfield didn’t live in the 21st Century! Americans love to multi-task. We have to because we are busy, busy, busy! We drive while putting on make-up and talking on the phone. At work, we reply to emails while on conference calls. We return phone calls while walking on the treadmill. With the aid of a little technology, we can do it all! But can we? Consider the following.

* A study by the University of London Institute of Psychiatry found “Workers distracted by e-mail and phone calls suffer a fall in IQ more than twice that found in marijuana smokers.”

* Researchers at the University of California at Irvine monitored interruptions in the workplace and found workers took an average of twenty-five minutes to recover from interruptions such as phone calls or answering e-mail and return to their original task.

* And we’ve all encountered the multi-tasking driver who’s either wrapped up in his/her cell phone conversation or texting.

Times may have changed but our brains have not. The problem is the more you multitask the more difficult it is for your brain to switch between tasks. It takes time for your brain to make the switch … the same time you think you are saving. Your memory is also negatively affected by multitasking.

So what’s a busy person to do?

Do It Anyway: Multi-tasking works best when you are working when at least one of the tasks is inconsequential and doesn’t require too much thought. Checking voicemail or returning a call while walking the dog. You can write your to-do list while you are on the train. You should be able to use the treadmill while chatting on the cell phone. However, if the task is important or requires effort or attention, then it requires your focus…

Find Your Focus: Take small amounts of time to focus on a single task. Spend 10 minutes reading and returning emails. Devote 20 minutes to writing the proposal. You will be surprised that a dedicated focus will actually improve your productivity.

Tame the Technology Tiger: It is okay to temporarily turn your ringer off. Believe it or not, most calls aren’t urgent. Also close your email application so those annoying notifications don’t pop up every time you get an email. Instead, make a commitment to check your email at the top (and maybe bottom) of every hour or maybe after you finish each focused time period.

The Critical Eye

Over the course of my life, it is mind boggling to think of how much television I’ve watched. And I don’t think that is a bad thing. In my career and in my personal life, I’ve found television to be a strong unifier. I’ve used it create connections and to break the ice with people.

If I had kids, I wouldn’t be one of those parents who never let their kids watch television. I have fond memories of everything from Conjunction Junction to The Love Boat to What’s Happening. But times have changed.

When I was growing up, there were a handful of channels to choose from. Cable came along and gave us more choices but even that was nothing compared to what kids have to choose from today. With television standards becoming more and more lax in regards to language, sexuality and violence, it’s important that parents take an occasional look at what their children are watching. But this is the real world and the truth is that parents can’t always be there to police the television, or the computer for that matter. So it is just as important, if not more so, for adults (parents and others) to teach kids to look at what they watch, as well as what they listen to and read on the Internet, with a critical and questioning eye. In fact, all of us, adults as well as kids, could benefit from that.

Take one of the most popular trends in television today: reality TV. Many of these shows promote a lifestyle or a set of values that is misleading at best and dangerous at worst. Shows like Survivor and The Apprentice reward people for being manipulative and calculating while shows like MTV’s Sweet Sixteen and The Hills promote lavish lifestyles that even the stars often can’t afford.

The average American earns $885 a week (U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics). Working as a paid intern, as the girls on The Hills do, you’d be lucky to make that much. Yet, they often spend more than that on the handbag they carry in one episode.

The stars of My Sweet Sixteen routinely spend over six-figures on a party. As the sons and daughters of singers, actors and rappers, they can afford that kind of opulence; but most of the kids watching can’t.

As I said, banning television, or music or the Internet, is not a realistic option in today’s society nor do I think it’s a good idea. However, I do think that these kinds of shows give you a great opportunity to engage in some realistic talk with your kids.

Let them know how many hours an average intern making $10 an hour would have to work to afford a $500 pair of sunglasses, not to mention up to $2,000 a month for rent and a car payment of over $600.

When that Survivor or Apprentice contestant gets rewarded for double-crossing his opponent, it might be a good time to talk about the consequences for unethical behavior in the real world.
When people on television fall casually in bed with one another, let them know that African-Americans are disproportionately affected by HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. Remind them that there are consequences involved in all of your actions.

You can’t always be with your kids but the knowledge you give them will stick with them even when you can’t.

Navigating Through the Negative

On the path to success, you will encounter naysayers, doubters and people who will try to shoot you down. They will offer unconstructive criticism. They will question your commitment or your abilities. They may even actively try to sabotage you. But it’s not what they do that matters, it’s what you do that will make the difference.

When this happens to you – and it will if you are trying to do something different from others around you, it pays to ask yourself a couple of questions.

Is there anything positive I can take from this situation? This question is particularly useful in the face of unjust or unfair criticism. Just because it is unjust or unfair doesn’t mean that there can’t be a nugget of truth in it. Look for that nugget. If you find one, great. If not, keep your head up and keep going.

Is this worth a response? When it comes to criticism and comments from close family and friends and even those who aren’t close to us, our knee-jerk reaction is to defend ourselves, our choices and our actions. But is that always the best way to go? When it comes to people who are dead-set in their ways and beliefs, is it worth it to defend your position? Is defending yourself really the best use of your time, your energy and emotion?

Is there away to avoid this situation in the future? Consider putting some distance between you and this person. If they are family or close friends, you might not be able to do this or even want to, however, you don’t necessarily have to share your dreams and your progress with them. If it is an acquaintance, do you have to interact with this person at all. Finally, consider having a discussion with this person at a later time – once emotions have cooled and some time has passed.

Here is a case in point: I recently had what turned out to be a very contentious phone call with a business associate. It became clear after almost 10 minutes that we simply weren’t going to come to a consensus on the matter. When we ended the call, I felt we were done - agree to disagree and go our own ways. The next morning I received an email from him. He reiterated his points and accused me of not being committed to my career as a coach.

My knee-jerk reaction was to rattle off an email in the same condescending tone that he took with me. But I put some thought into it first.

Is there anything positive I can take from this situation? I read his email and there were one or two things that he mentioned that I could be doing to further my business.

Is it worth a response: This is a man I haven’t had contact with in over six months. He’s criticizing me with no knowledge of anything I’ve been doing during that time. Secondly, the only purpose of the email, from my perspective, was to engage me in a dialogue that was not going to be productive or positive. I decided not to respond to that email.

Is there away to avoid this situation in the future? Certainly. I set up a rule so that any emails from him automatically go to my junk folder. I also deleted him as a contact from Linked In.

Had I gone with the knee jerk reaction and responded with a catty email, I could have easily seen a back-and-forth that got increasingly nastier and nastier. Feelings would have been hurt, egos bruised. Emailing and getting emotionally would have taken a lot of time, wasted a lot of emotional energy and taken my focus off of the work that I needed to do. I decided that it simply wasn’t worth

It’s your dream. It’s your life. It’s yours to enjoy and it’s also yours to defend.