Crayons and Coloring Books

I have a pack of 64 Crayola Crayons. You know, the ones you wanted as a kid with the sharpener in the back. I haven't had them since childhood. In fact, I bought them recently, along with a few coloring books. No, I wasn't planning on babysitting or entertaining guests with young children. I brought them for me.


It might seem strange but there is a method to my madness. When I'm feeling stressed or overwhelmed, I pull out my coloring book and I color. It relaxes me.


I remember speaking to a psychologist once who told me that she recommended for her patients to reach back into their youths and reconnect with an old past time or hobby. I thought about what I liked to do and while somethings seemed a little far-fetched for an adult - climbing trees, playing tag or four square -somethings were definitely doable.


Coloring was one. Word puzzles were another. I found several books of word games and honestly, it was like reconnecting with an old friend. It was relaxing. It was fun. It was oddly therapeutic. Both coloring and word games were also cheap!!! LOL! It can be a nice alternative to costly retail therapy or pound-packing emotional eating.


Surprisingly, a key component to relieving stress was locked away, a secret of my youth. I wonder what other good things I've managed to lock away back there or just forget?

Salsa, Anyone?

It’s not really a resolution but I have promised myself that this year I’m going to make an effort to get out of the house. I have a full-time job and I blog and write in the evenings. So, I have developed a very bad habit of going to work and going home. It’s gone from being routine to being a rut. I’ve known for a while that I needed to do something, but as we all know knowing and doing are two different things!

In 2012, I’m going to do. I belong to several Meet-Up groups (through www.meetup.com) yet, I couldn’t remember the last time I actually attended an event. I revisited the site and retooled my membership. Deleting inactive groups and finding a few new ones. Since my meet-ups are based on my interests (photography, dancing, hiking, socializing) then there is no reason why I shouldn’t go.

The problem was getting over the inertia. I think getting started with anything is the hardest part. We are creatures of comfort and we, as human beings, seem to resist change, even when it’s good for us. Whether it’s a diet, a new software application or a procedure that’s changed at work, we like the old way.

As a life-long list maker, one way I get over the inertia is to put it in my Blackberry as a task. I love checking off a task and it nags at me when I can’t! In the past, I’ve just not put social events on my task list or calendar. If it’s not there, I can’t check it off! So, I’ve started adding those events to my planner process.

The first item on my list – line dancing class – was Wednesday night at 7:00. Normally, that’s when I’m settling in to being home. Now, in order to go to class, I had to eat dinner early, change into workout clothes, leave the house again, in the cold, and drive over 20 minutes to get there. The old me would have passed. This time I made myself go.

It was worth it. I danced. I laughed. I had fun. I had a lot more fun than I would have had cocooned in my house, wrapped in my writing sweater with the dog lurking somewhere in the background.

I really wanted to keep the momentum going so the next night, I met with another meet-up group for dinner at a restaurant I'd wanted to try. The food was okay but the conversation was great.

The hardest part is getting started but I think that after you have had some success or in my case fun it gets easier. Next on my list: meeting with the photography meet-up, Zumba class and salsa lessons!

Take a Technology Fast

Cell phones, email, text messaging, status updates, tweeting, for many of us, from the moment we awake until we go to sleep, we are ‘connected’. On an episode of Dr. Phil, one woman was so addicted to texting that she stopped in the middle of intimate relations with her husband to read and respond to a text. Don’t even get me started on all of the near-miss accidents I have had because someone couldn’t be bothered to look away from the phone and actually watch the road! It’s getting to be a little much.

These technological wonders have become a part of our lives, mostly for the better, but still, our dependence is a little bit scary. So many churches and other organizations have started what they call technology fasts. The most practical ones for me are evening fasts. If you need emails and cell phones for work or to track the kids down, that’s one thing.

Yet the idea of an evening fast intrigued me. An evening fast starts when you get home from work, and ends the next morning. For those hours, there is no:

• Television
• Internet
• Phone usage (land line or cell)
• Texting
• Video Games
• GPS Systems

For an evening, you are technologically free. You can read. You can meditate. You can talk to your family members. You can take a walk. You can play with the kids. You can write in a journal. You can paint, sing, draw … but you can’t utilize technology.

Of course this does take some planning. You won’t want to do it when you have a project due or a test scheduled for the next day, but you do want to find some time to do it.

I did it for several days during a recent vacation. I found it to be liberating and calming. Perfect for a vacation! Yet, I decided to do it one evening a week when I returned home – that has proved a little more challenging.

Try it just for one evening and let me know how it goes.

Holiday Handbook: Sit-Com or Drama

The holidays. At times, hectic. Hopefully not horrific. Possibly holy (if you are so inclined). Occassionally hilarious. And, if we are lucky, for the most part happy. Join me on Mondays as we find a way to navigate the Season with style and smarts, and, most importantly, without losing our sanity.

An author can take the same premise, let's say, a weekend at the beach, and turn it into a comedy, a drama or a tragedy. Maybe a woman brings her straight-laced fiance out to the beach cottage to meet her family of free-spirited eccentrics. Maybe a long-held family secret is revealed that will change the lives of everyone involved. Maybe someone drowns at the beach.

A writer has the amazing opportunity to create the story he wants to tell. He sets the mood and the tone. He controls the plot. He creates the characters. He even decides how and when it ends. As a screenwriter, I can tell you that the creative power is intoxicating.

However, I can't live my life behind the warm glow of a computer screen. At some point, I have to emerge and deal with life. I have no idea what plot twist lay ahead. I certainly didn't create my cast of characters and I have no idea how it will all end.

Yet, I can control somethings.

I can set my own tone and my own mood. I can choose to not approach a gathering with dread - replaying all the worse case scenarios and what-ifs in my mind. I can choose instead to focus on the family and friends whose company I enjoy and who I look forward to spending time with.

I can't create the cast of characters but I can determine how much screen time they get in my movie. My main characters are the ones who are postive, loving and fun. They are in almost every scene while the more toxic personalities are relegated to bit parts.

I can add a laugh track, just like they do on the sit-coms. When my aunt comes around with her negativity, I just smile and let it roll off my back, while I hear the laughter in my head. It's just not that serious!

I can't determine how it all ends but I can determine when I've had enough (which is harder to do if you are the host and you can't just leave!). I can set my own boundaries.

I might not have written this script, but make no mistake, I am the director who calls the shots and the star of my own film. This season, make your movie an award-winner!

Extreme Self-Care: In the Office

This is the seventh in a ten part series called, Extreme Self-Care: It’s Not Selfish!

We spend the majority of our waking hours consumed with work. We are there five out of seven days. On those five days – we get up and spend our mornings preparing for and getting to work. We stay at work at least eight hours. Then we spend time commuting home from work, trying to leave work at work and then preparing for our next day at work. We spend more time with co-workers than we do with families. So finding out how to care for ourselves at work is critical.

On the Commute: Listen to your favorite CD or radio shows on the way to and from work. Maybe just enjoy the silence before you get home to a loud house full of kids! You might even want to use that time for a little prayer and meditation (of course, you don’t want to close your eyes while driving!).

During Lunch: Of course, you should have something health. But I say you should also have something yummy that you look forward to eating. Make the most of your lunch by eating it away from your desk and with co-workers you enjoy. When I worked in DC, I found a nice little park to steal away to and eat my lunch. It was great to have a peaceful and beautiful outside experience in the middle of my day. I also have had a favorite restaurant close by I can go to and enjoy.

During Breaks: I am a big proponent of getting away from the desk, or the cube whenever possible. I get a big boost when I take a short walk during my breaks. You can also use breaks to talk and reconnect with work friends.

During my Coach University training, one of my instructors gave me a great way to remember to take care of yourself. Use the ESC key on your keyboard as a reminder to engage in Extreme Self-Care!

Tomorrow is Friday!

TGIF!!!
Time to Get Into some Fun!

Hopefully, where you are it will be nice and warm and sunny but even if it’s raining, do something for the sole enjoyment of it.

• Go to the beach.
• Walk at a park.
• Play paintball.
• Run through the sprinklers with the kids.
• Run through the sprinklers if you don’t have kids!
• Invite some friends over.
• Take in that movie you’ve been wanting to see.
• Play with the dog.
• Take a dip in the pool.
• Pop in your favorite CD or turn up your IPod and dance around the house like a fool.
• Better yet, dance outside like a fool and entertain your neighbors.
• Karaoke.
• Read a trashy novel.
• Eat a big, gooey hot fudge sundae.
• Drive up to the mountains.
• Take a relaxing drive – anywhere.
• Barbeque.
• Go to the farmers market.
• Find a shady tree and fall asleep under it.
• Wear a funky hat.
• Catch some fire flies.
• Have a water balloon fight.
• Put on something sexy and wash your car.
• Find a drive in movie theatre, go with your S.O and get frisky in the car.
• Have lunch outside with your BFFs.
• Have a romantic picnic .
• Buy some cool new sunglasses.
• Get a department store makeover.
• Give yourself a makeover.
• Enjoy a cool fruity drink.
• Dance outside under the stars.
• Sing loudly with the car radio.

Whatever you do, do it! And do it with Wild Abandon!!! Have FUN!!!!!

Takin' Care of Business: Leaving Work at Work

This is the fourth in a ten part series called, Takin’ Care of Business – Making Work Work for You.


Last week, I talked about managing stress on the job. However, if you don’t successfully manage it at work, you run the risk of taking it home with you. Not leaving work at work creates all sorts of problems: fighting with the spouse, snapping at the kids, emotional eating, withdrawing from social activities, and losing sleep are just some of the effects of not being able to leave work at work.

I had a co-worker who had recently been promoted to a supervisory position. He would spend 12 hours or more at work tying up loose ends. He told me he was afraid he’d forget something if he didn’t take care of everything right then. I gave him two suggestions. I told him at 5:00 p.m., to make a list of all the things he needed to take care of the next day. Writing out a to-do list would help keep things from falling through the cracks and give him some much needed piece of mind.

Then I told him to use his commuting time to separate from work. Favorite music or books on tape were a start but I also told him to start focusing on his evening. What would he have for dinner? Was anything good coming on TV? What things could he take care of around the house? The point was to stop focusing on work and start focusing on all of the other things he had to do. Work worries need to stay at work.

I ran into him a few days later and I could actually see the relief on his face! He had been using the list and as a result he’d been getting more done and leaving on time. He said using his commute to refocus also helped. By the time he got home, work was a distant memory.

I read about a man who, as he would come home in the evening, imagined putting his work worries on the potted tree outside his door. They would stay there until he picked them up the next morning, on his way to work. He made sure that he didn’t take them into the house with him. I do something similar with the shower. After a particularly bad day, I like to imagine all my worries and troubles washing down the drain with the soap suds. It can be a particularly powerful visualization.

Communication is also key. If you need a moment to refocus when you get home, don’t be afraid to ask for it. Sit in your car for a minute if you need to, or park for a moment around the corner. Work something out with your spouse so that you can have a moment or two to yourself when you get home. It doesn’t have to be an hour, sometimes five minutes can be enough.

Takin' Care of Business: Strike Out at Stress

This is the third in a ten part series called, Takin’ Care of Business – Making Work Work for You.

With major lay-offs being announced almost daily, those among us lucky enough to have jobs, and especially those who have survived a lay-off, are often stuck in stressful situation. Taking on extra work due to lay-offs or hiring freezes inevitably leads to more demanding schedules and increased stress levels. Because jobs appear to be scarce and employees often have a difficult time finding other work, management, unfortunately takes advantage of employees that feel they have nowhere else to go.

As workloads increase and morale takes a nosedive dealing with workplace stress is no longer an optional task, it’s a critical requirement.Successfully managing your stress on the job involves tackling the issue on a number of fronts. Unfortunately, I’ve had some experience with this topic. So here are some suggestions that I used to make life a little easier, when the job becomes increasingly more difficult.

1. Make a List and Check It Twice (a day): Think of the things you honestly like or enjoy about your job. When I made my list it included my co-workers (well most of them), sandwiches at the café near the job, the fact that I had my own office, and my favorite topics to train on. While there were a number of things that stressed me out, focusing on the people and things that I did enjoyed helped a bit.
   
2. Walk It Out: Using my break times to take short walks helped immensely. The act of walking as well as getting outside and out of the office helped to immediately alleviate some stress.
   
3. Talk About It: Find a sympathetic ear … who will let you vent. It could be a friend or a spouse but it helps if it is not a co-worker. When you confine in a co-worker, you run the risks of your venting becoming office gossip which could quickly make a bad situation worse.
   
4. Drive Your Troubles Away: When leaving work, I made sure that I did not pull out of the parking lot until I had put on one of my favorite CDs. As I sang along (and okay, yes, did a little dancing), it helped me put work in perspective and keep it where it belonged … in my rearview mirror.
   
5. Be a Lady (or Lad) Who Lunches: Like with the walks, having a lunch I enjoyed eating gave me a nice break. It’s even better if it can be enjoyed with friendly co-workers or at a place or in an environment you like. It is a great way to break up the day.
   
6. Look Elsewhere: Yes, the economy is bad. Yes, jobs are hard to find … but that doesn’t mean they are impossible to find. Update your resume and start looking. Looking for other work helped me to feel that I had some control of my circumstances.

Not only did I look for other employment, I found it - leaving a very toxic situation for one that is much healthier. So while good jobs are hard to find right now, it's still possible to find one.

Take the Challenge!

I love Daylight Savings Time! It’s time for lots of fun in the sun days. So my question to you is what do you plan on doing with all the daylight that we are saving?

Will you:

• Take the dog out for longer walks
• Play outside more with the kids
• Take up swimming, golf or tennis lessons
• Spend more time at the beach
• Go on a great vacation
• Indulge in a few weekend getaways
• Start hiking
• Date more
• Visit friends more often
• Dust off the grill and barbecue
• Ride a bike
• Pull out the camera

Participate in my Daylight Savings Challenge with me and pledge to do something fun with all this extra Daylight. You can hibernate next winter!

Going With The Wind

Today has not been a good day, professionally or personally. It wasn’t one big thing but a series of little things. I try not to let things get to me but every once in a while things do. Yes, I’m a coach but I’m also human.

On days like today, the best part of my day is walking through my front door. I’m home. I can breathe again. The healing properties of home and Marty (the world’s best toy poodle) make me feel a little better almost immediately. The unrealistic demands, the disappointments, the technical difficulties and the traffic seem to almost melt away.

So what’s a disgruntled life coach to do? Well, I’ll do some writing, make some calls and then retreat into a soothing warm bath. After that, I’ll write in my journal. I might call a friend. I’ll probably watch some television.

I’ve learned from past experience that it’s not a good idea to soothe my soul with food or by buying myself a nice outfit (or two or five…). I know now that those things might feel good for the moment but only make a bad situation worse in the long run.

So, after my bath, my journal, and a new episode of Grey’s Anatomy, I’ll crawl into bed and as I go off to sleep, the words of the quintessential Southern Belle, Scarlett O’Hara will lull me to sleep, “Tomorrow is another day.” And most likely, it will be a better one.

King Kong and the Unbearable Possibility of Falling

When I was a little girl, about seven years old, we went for a trip to New York City. It was fun. It was exciting. And when we got to The Empire State Building, it was terrifying. You see, in my mind, that was where King Kong lived and if we made it to the top, we wouldn’t be making it back down. I was panic-stricken. In fact, I was so scared, that 33 years later, when I rode the elevator back up to the top of the Empire State Building, my inner child experienced a little bit of that panic all over again.

When you think about it, a lot of us experience that sort of fear – fear that feels crazy and irrational and all too real. What terrified me wasn't the reality of riding up to one of the city's tallest structures. What terrified me were the possibilities of what could have been. I could have been whacked off the building by one of Kong’s hands and hurdled down thousands of feet to my death. Maybe he would have done a Faye Rae and held me in the tightening grip of his primate paws. Maybe he would have chewed my head off (I didn’t know gorillas were herbivores at the time).

A co-worker of mine had to fly to our home office last week and make a five-minute presentation. All the bad possibilities ran though her head: what if she said the wrong thing, or didn’t include the right information, what if they asked her questions that she couldn’t answer? Even though she was prepared, she was still a bundle of nerves and anxiety. However, none of her fears came to pass.

Imagination is neutral but we often use it to focus on the possible negative outcomes like getting killed by an oversized ape or flubbing a major presentation. We see those things so clearly and so vividly. Yet, we can also use our powers of imagination for good. What if my co-worker had used her imagination to focus on giving a great presentation? What if she replayed over and over, people giving her their rapt attention and congratulating her after her presentation was done? What if I could have made friends with Kong and been the one to tame him and make him my friend? Think of all the nerves and anxiety that could have been avoided.

There is a statistic that says 95% of the things we fear never come to pass. And if we manage to live to see another day then the 5% that do come to pass can’t be that bad.

Comfort Food for the Soul

Macaroni and Cheese, mashed potatoes and down here in the South, fried chicken, are the quintessential comfort foods. They offer comfort not just because they taste good but because they are surrounded with memories of simpler times – before the traffic jams, bills, multi-tasking and long work days took over our lives. Times when your days were filled with bike rides, games of tag and hide and seek and grilled cheese sandwiches.

Now, more than ever, we need comfort, but I’m interested in looking at other places to find that comfort because too much comfort food can lead to some very uncomfortable and tight fitting clothes!

We need to seek out comfort throughout the day and find ways to distress.

In the car: I fill my CD player with music I love. In fact, one co-worker got a good laugh out of me when she pulled up next to me as we were leaving work. I didn’t even see her but she definitely saw me dancing and bopping my head to Maroon 5! Sometimes it’s upbeat songs, other times it’s more mellow and subdued, on occasion it’s even been a book on CD, but whatever it is, it makes for a much calmer commute.

At work: I use music at work but, since I have the luxury of having an office with a door, sometimes I just close it. Maybe it’s because I grew up as an only child, but the solitude alone for me can be comforting. Taking walks at my break is also a great way for me to relax on the job.

At home: My home is my sanctuary and just being there for me is comforting. There are some days that all I have to do is walk through my door and I instantly feel better. Playing with Marty (my toy poodle) is comforting too. But at home, nothing beats a nice warm bubble bath!

With our busy lives we have to make time to comfort ourselves and soothe our own souls. It’s not a luxury. It’s a priority. In fact, it’s a necessity. If you don’t have the time, make it. Just 15 minutes a day can be enough. Get the kids and the spouse to work with you. If you think about it, they have a vested interest. If you are happy, they are happy.

So what are you going to do today or at least some time this week to comfort yourself?

Taking a Dump

Life is good! And it’s also very busy. I will be out of town for work for a week. I’ve got coaching to do, two websites to manage, a few deadlines to meet and I’m moving at the end of the month. I’ve been running like I crazy woman and right now, I feel like it’s catching up with me.

So what is my plan for tonight? First, I’m going to do what I call a brain dump. I’ll pull out my trusty planner and write down all those to-do’s that are racing through my head. I always feel better after a brain dump. Getting those ideas out of my head and on to paper gets rid of that nagging fear that I’m going to forget something.

After that I’m going to do … nothing. Well, actually I will do a couple of things. I’m going to take a long bath, write in my journal and maybe get some reading done or find something good on television.
If I tried to work tonight, I don’t think I would get anything done tonight anyway. I’ve learned that when I’m tired and I try to force myself to work, I end up stressed and frustrated and unfocused. Any work I do accomplish will take twice as long and end up half as good.

So this evening, I will relax and tomorrow, I’ll wake up rested and ready to go.

Now … I’m going to go take that dump!