A Candle in the Wind

As we approach the New Year, people begin thinking about a new start - goals, resolutions and just things we'd like to do differently. One of the keys to success is motivation. With every goal, there will be times when you falter or fall, without motivation, you won't get back up. With it, you can keep moving and eventually reach your goal.

True motivation is always internal. It comes from within you. It doesn't come from family, friends, church or self-help books. External motivation is always temporary and fleeting.

Let's say you light a candle in your front yard. It's a bright sunny day. Winds are light to non-existent and there isn't a cloud in the sky. Your candle is burning strong and bright. As the day goes on, it starts to get cloudy and the winds pick up. Now, your candle is flickering. Soon it starts to rain. At this point, even a light drizzle is enough to extinguish the flame.

What if you had lit the candle, not in the front yard, but inside of the house? Now, the winds can pick up and it could rain cats and dogs but your flame would still be burning brightly. Are there things in the house that could put out the candle? Yes. But it won't be as easy to do.

Your motivation operates the same way. When I conduct goal-setting workshops, I have people come up with an initial  list of possible goals. Next, I have them go through that list and cross out any should goals. Should goals are goals that are on your list solely because you think they should be and not because you want them to be.

Should goals are like that candle in the yard. You might be motivated for a minute but these aren't truly your goals because someone else wants them for you more than you want them for yourself.

To find out if you are truly internally motivated, ask yourself one question: "Why?"

Why do you want to succeed with this goal? Your answers should begin with "I need ..." or "I want ...". They should not start with "I should ... ", "I might ...", or "Someone wants me to ...".

A strong reason why is critical to lighting the fire within - the fire that will sustain you when times get hard. It's a fire that will light the way to goal success!

12 Days Til Christmas ... Take a Break!

We are less than two weeks away from Christmas Day. There are gifts to buy and wrap, travel plans to make, Christmas parties to attend, food to prepare and the list just gets longer as you think about it! LOL!

In the midst of the holiday hub-bub, take a couple of hours during the week for yourself. You need the down time. Plus, taking some time out for yourself will make you more effective when you jump back in.

1. Go to a movie
2. Have dinner at a favorite restaurant
3. Take a bath and curl up with a good book
4. Pop some popcorn and watch your favorite holiday movie on TV
5. Have a girl's night
6. Have a date night
7. Take a nap
8. Get a massage
9. Take a drive in the country
10. Go to the library

You don't have to spend a lot of time but it is important to take some time to rest and recharge.

A Helping Hand for the Holidays

According to the American Research Group, the average American plans on spending $854 on Christmas gifts this year. The good news is that spending is up significantly from last year – good news for the economy. It won’t be so great for the average American next month when those Christmas credit card bills start rolling in.

While we want to definitely focus on our families and friends this season, let’s not forget about those who won’t have as wonderful a holiday experience. People, who are homeless, financially challenged, hungry or just lonely during the holiday season. When we give to these people, we are also giving a gift to ourselves.

What can you do? Here are seven things.

1. Call or visit any relatives or friends who live alone, in nursing homes or who may be isolated or away from loved ones.
2. Take the kids to the toy store and pick out some inexpensive toys and gifts. Take your kids with you to a homeless shelter or hospital and have them pass out their gifts if possible.
3. Go through your kitchen and put together a box of canned goods and unopened boxes for a donation to feed the homeless or hungry.
4. Go through Wal-Mart and put together packages of toiletry samples (deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste …) and donate to a men’s or women’s shelter.
5. Make cupcakes or brownies and distribute them at a local nursing home or assisted living facility. If you can sing or play an instrument, make a little show!
6. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or to cook or feed the hungry.
7. Adopt a shelter pet.

Writing a check is nice but doing something gives you the added benefit of seeing the people who are benefitting from your help.

 

Whatever you decide to do, contact the organization you want to work with or donate to and find out what kind of donations they’d like and the best way to help them. You wouldn’t want to make cupcakes and then find out that no one can eat them!

 

Happy Holidays!

Who's In Control?

Sometimes I wonder who exactly “they” are. Maybe you do to. You know them. “They” are the shadowy figures lurking in the background. Apparently, “they” have a lot of power. I have been told that “they” control everything from national economies and political races down to what you learn (or don’t learn) in school.

Those who believe that “they” (whoever they are) control everything must also admit to having very little control over their own lives. They have an external Locus of Control.

Locus of Control is a psychological term that looks at how much control a person thinks they have over their own lives. People with an internal Locus of Control feel in control of their own destinies. People with a largely external Locus of Control feel outside forces and others control their fate.

Two co-workers applied for a promotion and neither one got the position. The person with the internal Locus of Control might think about what they could have done differently during the interview or what courses they need to take to be prepared the next time the position becomes available. The person, with the external Locus of Control will look outside of themselves for the answer. He might blame gender or race or just good old office politics for being passed over.

It is safe to say that most people who have experienced professional success have highly internal Loci of Control. They believe that, by and large, they are the ones who determine their fates. These are the people who don’t wait for favorable conditions or for things to change; they make things happen. These are the people who invest in bettering themselves and who will see the reward in hard work.
Those with a primarily external Locus of Control often feel helpless and at the mercy of others and events. They wait. They wonder. They watch as life passes by.

The Serenity Prayer (made popular by Alcoholics Anonymous) is a great start for developing a more internal Locus of Control. It says:

God give me the courage to change the things I can;
The serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

A strong internal Locus of Control doesn’t mean you attempt to change everything. Like the prayer says, it means being accountable and in control of the things you can change but accepting of the things you can’t. Those with an external Locus feel that just about everything falls within the realm of what they can’t change.
ACTION: Today, take a look at your own situation. Are there things that are under your control? If so, what can you do to change things for the better? What is out of your control? What can you accept and stop fighting against?

Get It Together Girl!: Goal-Setting edition

This brief four-week series will introduce the workbooks in the Get It Together Girl series.

I love setting goals! It's one of the things I'm passionate about. Not only do I set goals annually, but I revisit them and set mini-goals every once. Most of the time, I meet them but even when I don't, I know what I need to do to tweak my plan. I'm so passionate about goal-setting that a few years back, I convinced my manager to let me conduct an optional goal-setting workshop for employees. It was from that workshop that Get It Together Girl!: Getting to Goal - Your Dreams, Your Desires, Your Way was born.

In this 90-minute workshop, we looked at the immediate past (no more than two years) to see what worked, what didn't and, most importantly, why. Then we shoot a year forward to see what we'd like our lives to look like. What is different? What has changed?

It's from that forward look that we start to look at what goals we'd need to create that picture. We also look   at the goals to determine which ones we truly want for ourselves versus the ones others want for us and the ones we thing we should have. Once we get rid of the should goals, we focus on no more than three goals and we develop the plan for achieving them.

As with It's About Time, I created an appendix with practical information - including a series of Goal Assistants for the most popular goals (weight loss, new job, continuing education, saving money, stopping smoking and starting a relationship). With Goal Assistance, I list several tips that will help you succeed as well as several resources to help you along your journey.

Challenge: We're already in December so New Year's is around the way. Instead of focusing on resolutions, think ahead to this time next year. By December 2013, what do you see for yourself and what will it take for you to get there? This is the beginning of your goal-setting journey!

Honest Abe Says ...

One of my favorite quotes is attributed to Abraham Lincoln. It simply states, "Whatever you are, be a good one." I think a lot of us forget about being good now, right where we are. We want to be a good one once we get the dream job, land the right partner or move into the right neighborhood ... but it doesn't really work like that.

First of all, if you aren't doing your best where you are, how can you expect to move to the next step? The bare minimum is rarely rewarded. Want a promotion? Do more than enough to get by. Want a better house or car? Treat the one you have with care.

People are watching you. They are watching more than listening. If someone talks about fidelity and loyalty but constantly cheats in their relationships, which will you believe, their words or their actions? It's your actions that matter, so make them count.

Also your actions become your habits. This idea that you'll do better when you have more doesn't often play out. A strong work ethic is born of a series of habits and, of course, habits aren't established overnight.  If you don't believe in taking care of your rental property then there is a good chance that you wont' take care of your property when you become a homeowner. Those habits are ingrained. They can be changed, but it takes work, a lot of work.

From another perspective, being  a good one - working hard, doing your best, treating people the way you'd want to be treated, feels good. When you do good and are good, you are laying down a strong foundation. You are setting yourself up as a person who is prepared to answer the door when opportunity knocks. True enough, it might not be acknowledged in your immediate circle, right this moment, but I truly believe that it will be acknowledged.

Take pride in who you are, where you are, and in what you are doing. Be a good one! You might not be where you want to be but that's okay. Be a good one now and you'll have the opportunity to be so much more very soon.

Get It Together Girl!: Time Management edition

This brief four-week series will introduce the workbooks in the Get It Together Girl series.

As the holidays approach, it's a great time to talk about time management. The second in the series, Get It Together Girl!: It's About Time - Finding It, Saving It and Making the Most of It is a collection of time-saving tips doled out one per weekday.

A common excuses that many people have is that they don't have enough time. One thing is certain, you aren't going to get anymore! The trick is to do better with the time you have. Most people get defensive when I say it, but I can squeeze an hour out of the average woman's day.

The trick is to not look for large blocks of time; but to use small pockets of time more effectively. I had a client who claimed she couldn't study for the bar because she couldn't find enough 3 hour blocks of time. I agreed. Three hour blocks of time are hard to come by. I gave her a question and a challenge. My question was how long are the blocks of time she did have. She told me an hour. Next, I challenged her to take those 3 hour subjects and break them down into hour-long subtopics. Working with the time that she had, she was able to finally study.

This book starts with a question? What would you do if you could find an extra two-hours in your week? Next, we spend two weeks looking at different ways to get that time: bundling errands, using the Focused Fifteen outside of organization ....

What makes this book different, is that I've included a lot of extra information in the Appendix. There is a chart for age-appropriate chores for kids, tips on how to delegate as well as web-based and mobile applications that will help readers save even more time.

Challenge: Ask yourself the question: what would you do with two extra hours a week? I start with this question because saving time is a task that is hard to track. If you have a good answer to this question you'll have something to work towards as well as a great way to tell if you have succeeded!