Bullying in the Boardroom

Charmaine Hammond is a former corrections officer and mediator who speaks extensively on workplace violence. I spoke to her on Get It Together Radio to talk about the all-too-common phenomenon of ault bullying.

According the the Workplace Bullying Institute, fully 35% of American workers feel that they have been bullied at some point or another. Adult bullies are targeted for different reasons. While kids pick on other children who are different or weaker, adult bullies target people who do well in their positions, who are creative or who speak up for themselves.

Here are some things Charmaine suggested for dealing with bullies on the job.

1. Create a paper trail.
Get a notebook and record the date, time and details of each incident. Save emails and other documentation as well. If this were an episode of Law & Order, we'd be talking about 'preserving the evidence.'

2. Speak up.
First start by trying to speak to the bully directly. In several instances, especially if the person is naturally gruff and assertive, they may not even know how their behavior is being perceived. If speaking to the bully doesn't work, try speaking to the boss or Human Resources.

3. Help Out
If you see someone being bullied, offer your help. Don't let this co-worker suffer in silence. Dealing with bullies is essential to creating a positive workplace and even if you are not being targeted, you should work with others to create the kind of work environment where everyone can succeed.

My interview with Charmaine is available by clicking on the player to the right.

For more information about Charmaine, workplace violence, or even the memoir on her pet Toby, visit her online at www.charmainehammond.com.

Everyone Doesn't Have to Like Me

For the month of September, every Monday I'll be sharing some reflections of forty something years of living!

I half-jokingly tell people that I am 'naturally popular'. I am an extrovert and have never had a problem meeting people and making friends. It's always been this way. Yet when I was younger, I'd say until my early 30's, I needed everyone to like me. When someone didn't, I'd wreck my brain trying to figure out why.

This also made me a people pleaser. I didn't want to have anyone upset with me. I became the girl who couldn't say no. If a friend was in a bind or needed something, I would be there ... even if it set me back. As a freelance writer, I would undercharge and accept unrealistic deadlines.

Then, one night when I was up late working on a project where I had agreed to do too much work for too little money and with not enough time that I came to a realization, actually two.

1. The only person suffering with these unrealistic expectations was me. Everyone else was getting what they wanted.
2. The world wouldn't end if I pushed back a little. Other people said no, so why couldn't I?

So I started doing a better job of setting boundaries. I was shocked to realize that I didn't lose friends and people didn't hate me if I said I couldn't do something. I also realized the power of the counter-offer. I can't do what you asked but this is what I can do. 

Because people pleasing is in my nature, I occasionally find myself doing too much for the people in my life but it doesn't happen as frequently (i.e. all the time).

I also realized that it is okay if people don't like me. Maybe it is me and maybe it's them. Either way, it is nothing to lose sleep over.

Relationships End

For the month of September, every Monday I'll be sharing some reflections of forty something years of living!

In high school, I thought I'd have the same friends for life. I had four girlfriends and I imagined us growing old together a la The Golden Girls. Today, I am only good friends with one of them. The rest of us just grew apart. It used to make me sad. Now I just accept it as a part of life.

Even with my best friend, the only relationship from that gang of four that lasted, things have changed. I've moved a bajillion times and haven't lived in my hometown for decades now. She's gotten married and had kids. Things have changed. Yet, at the same time, we've grown and matured along a similar path. This has allowed us to remain close as zip codes, careers and marital statuses have changed.

Over the years, people have come into my life and left just as quickly. Others have forged a strong bond with me similar to that I'd had back in my high school days. I've realized that there is a lot of truth to that saying that some people are only in your life for a reason and some for a season.

Another thing I've realized about relationships is that water truly does seek its own level. No matter where I've lived - Ohio, Maryland, California, Arizona or North Carolina, my friends have always shared a set of similar characteristics. It seems odd but I seem to attract the same kinds of people. And the amazing thing is that they are all good people!

Still some of us briefly crossed paths and a few of them have remained in my life. For all of them, I am grateful.

Even when a relationship runs its course, it doesn't mean that it is a bad thing. Some things just end and there is no judgement to it, it's just life.

It's Here: Get It Together Girl Radio!

Tonight is the night.  After months of planning and preparation, I am launching my own BlogTalkRadio show with Get It Together Girl Radio! Like the workbooks, the show will focus on the little things you can do and changes you can make that will make a major difference in your life.

We'll talk about organization and time management (but I promise you it won't be boring!). We'll talk about relationships (not just romantic ones but family, friends and workplace relationships too). We'll talk about health and wealth. We'll talk about setting and achieving goals and living your dreams!

This is sort of like coming full circle for me. My degree is in broadcast journalism and I worked in radio for several years after college. However, eating shouldn't be optional and cars run better on gas than fumes so I made a career change. People who know me know that this project makes sense for me and the person that I am. A radio show is definitely within my wheelhouse. For me, it is living a dream.

I am truly excited about this. I'm lining up great guest, covering amazing topics and looking forward to calls from listeners and chatting with them.

The live show airs Thursday nights at 8:00 p.m. (EST). If you miss the live show, you can always visit the archive and replay the show when it is convenient by going to www.blogtalkradio.com/getittogethergirl

I hope you share even a little bit of the my enthusiasm. I would love to hear your voices on the show. Call in! Chat with me!

Also if you or anyone you know would be interested in being a guest, email me at karyn @getittogethermedia.com.

Get It Together Girl Radio

Tomorrow is the day. It is the debut of my weekly talk show, Get It Together Girl Radio, airing Thursdays at 8:00 p.m. (EST) on BlogTalkRadio.

Like my workbooks, Get It Together Girl Radio, is about starting where you are and using what you have to get what you want. If it's something you need to get together, we'll talk about it. So far the show is structured to cover several major areas over the course of a month

• 1st Week - Saving Time and Organizing Your Space: This is one of the quickest ways to reduce stress so we'll talk about organizing the various rooms and spaces in the home, saving time at work, with the kids... Sure  organization isn't the sexiest of subjects, but we'll make it fun!

• 2nd Week - Relationships: Sure we'll delve into romantic relationships but we'll also explore friendships, family relationships, interacting with co-workers. Heck, we'll even talk about your relationship with yourself.

• 3rd Week - Wealth and Health: You need enough wealth and good health if you want to truly enjoy your life. We'll talk about repairing your credit, ways to save, changing your outlook at money. We'll talk about ways to eat more veggies, workouts/exercise, and swap favorite recipes.

• 4th Week - Live Your Dreams: The last week in every month is devoted to goal-setting and living your dreams. We'll discuss ways to make achieving your goals more realistic, we'll also hear from people who have achieved their goals and those who are living their dreams.

• 5th Week - If there is a fifth week in the month it will be either devoted to callers or to a topic I've selected.

You can listen to the show at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/getittogethergirl. If you listen live, you can call-in to the show. However, if you can't catch the live show visit the link above to listen to an archived version of the show.
I hope you'll listen and I hope you'll call in!

Busy Isn't Always Effective

As a trainer, I often send out emails regarding classes and schedules and I know for a fact that a number of my co-workers don’t bother to read them. They say to me with pride, “I don’t have time to read that stuff. I have a job to do.”

It may be a day or two later, but some of these very busy people will contact me, and they will ask questions that I have already addressed and answered in the email that they couldn’t be bothered to read.

Being busy is not the same as being effective. The irony is that these people waste time by trying to save time.

Busy people are devoted to multi-tasking. They write e-mails while on a conference call. They return phone calls while trying to read a report. How effective is it when the calls takes twice as long to make, the email is riddled with typos and time is wasted reading and re-reading the report because they weren’t paying attention?

As my mother would say, “If you don’t have time to do it right, when are you going to find the time to do it again?”

It sounds like heresy but you get more accomplished if you focus on one thing at a time. Take 30 seconds to read the email. When you are on a critical call, be on the call and not doing something else. If you have a document to proofread, proof read it.

Complete your tasks sequentially and don’t waste time by jumping back and forth. Every time you stop one thing and start another, you lose time shifting gears and regaining your focus.

If you must multi-task make sure one of those tasks is very simple: talk on the phone while stuffing envelopes or doing some light filing. I often return phone calls in the early evening while I’m walking my dog. However, if both tasks require your attention, set aside a block of time to complete each one.

Be better than busy, be effective.

What Our Parents Taught Us

Eventually most parents have that moment when they realize that they said something to their kids that their parents had said to them. I don't even have kids but I know I have had those moments with kids in my family.

My mom died when I was fifteen. At that time, she'd try to talk to me and impart some wisdom and life lessons. I would often roll my eyes or think to myself, "What could you possibly know about anything?!?" It took a few years but I realized as I got older that she did know what she was talking about most of the time. Since then, barely a day has passed when I haven't heard her words in my head. I've even found myself sharing some of her advice with friends and co-workers.

I think it is a sign of maturity when we begin to see our parents as real humans and not superheroes. It's also a sign when we can learn from them, both what they got right and what they got wrong.

Learning from your parents involves working what they did right into your own life; taking their advice and their lessons as your own. However, it also involves looking at what they did wrong and making the decision to do things differently. You do not have to make the mistakes of your parents your mistakes and, ultimately, your children's mistakes.

The cycle of abuse is a cycle because we feel powerless to do anything different. Our parents dysfunction becomes our dysfunction because it is what we know. We know what we know and the unknown always looks scary and difficult - even if what we know isn't very good.  Yet, it doesn't have to be. We can choose to do something different, to have something different and to be something different. This doesn't mean it will be an easy path to take or a quick solution to your problems.

Breaking the cycle could involve confronting your accusers, seeking professional help or just being aware of your actions and the decisions you are making. If you need to so something, whatever it is, do it. Just remember that you have to do through the rain to get to the rainbow. Your hard work will pay off for you, your children and your children's children. It is worth the effort.