Is it Time Yet?

How long is too long? I’ve often hear people say they stay in a bad relationship or job because they’ve already put X number of years in. That never made sense to me. Wouldn’t that be even more of a reason to get it over with and get on with your life?

I think people that say this are dealing with a few things. First: fear. They would rather be unhappy with what they have than face the possibility of being unhappy with something unfamiliar. Really though, isn’t the risk worth it. After a while, the possibility of happiness in the bad situation dwindles. However, the chances of your success in another situation don’t change.

Second: comfort. In the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson makes a statement about human nature that is almost always true. He said, “All experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.” People will put up nonsense and settle for far less than they deserve because the status quo is easier than change.

Third: hope. In their heart of hearts, some people believe that sheer force of will and enough endurance will change their situations. This could be true if you are in your situation alone but force of will and endurance won’t change another person’s thoughts, actions and behaviors.

When you look at how much you’ve invested in a situation, ask yourself whether it is worth it to invest anymore? Your time is more valuable than money and you would not consistently invest your hard-earned dollars in a product or stock that consistently lost your money. So why spend your invaluable time with people or situations that don’t provide a return on your investment?

What Would You Do?

I was thinking the other day about what I'd do if I won a ridiculous amount of money in the lottery. What would I do if I won $200 million dolllars?

Of course, I'd pay off my bills. I'd give a big chunk to my dad and pay for my sister's education. I would help all of my friends who are struggling. I'd pay off my house but I wouldn't get a new one. I love my house. It's perfect for me, so I think I'd stay. I also love my little Mazda 6. I don't need a BMW or a Lexus; but, I think I'd get the new Mazda 6 fully loaded.

But beyond those basic things, I'd need to do something everyday. Of course I'd travel, but I don't think I'd want to travel all of the time. I'd want to be productive and do something, for others and for myself.

For others, I'd give to my favorite charities and I'd also give back some more. I've had a dream of starting my own mentoring program and college fund for kids in the middle, the ones who everyone ignores. We pay a lot of attention to the gifted students and we make a ton of efforts to help those who are in trouble and at-risk, but what about the ones in the middle? What about the C students who go to school everyday, avoid trouble and just want a decent life? I'd do something for them.

For myself, I would also take this opportunity to learn. I would take culinary and photography classes. I'd become the photographer I've always wanted to be. I'd take the fun I have in the kitchen to a whole new level. I'd also be free to write and not have to worry about making a living.

So the question I asked at the end of this protracted daydream is why not start creating that life now? Heck, I don't even play the lotto, so how can I win it? LOL!

Maybe I can't pay off the house or start a new foundation or travel the world. But I can make do more volunteering. I can make more of an effort to study my photography and get out more and shoot. I can enroll in a cooking class or even buy a few cookbooks that can start to take me from novice to accomplished home cook.

The life we want doesn't need to be relegated to flights of fancy and daydreams. We can start right now, right where we are and all of our lives will be better for it.

An Ounce of Prevention

Benjamin Franklin said, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” In the health field, this is fairly obvious. It’s easier to prevent a disease than to cure one. Better to eat right, exercise and keep a decent weight than it is to treat the diabetes or heart disease that comes from a life time of unhealthy choices.

Of course, the ounce of prevention adage works in other areas as well. Ask the renter who lost all of her possessions and didn’t have renters insurance. Ask the worker who made a very good living but chose to spend everything she made, without even thinking about saving, a few weeks after she gets the pink slip. Ask the frustrated mom on the side of the road after her minivan has broken down, the one who didn’t think getting the oil changed was that much of a big deal.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure but (and I’m on a roll with these old sayings) hindsight is also 20/20. As she stands in the ramshackled living room that $20 a month for the renters insurance doesn’t sound too bad. Likewise, saving and getting routine car maintenance would make a lot of sense in the face of the lay-off or an unexpected breakdown.

The trick is to use that ounce of prevention before those bad things happen.

I think we aren’t concerned about prevention because we just don’t think that bad thing (whatever it is) will happen to us. Sure people are losing jobs but you are okay. They need you. Don’t they? And your car, it’s just fine. Isn’t it?

When that dreaded event happens, we are blindsided. I was one of those people I didn’t have renters insurance. I never saved for a rainy day and I let my car go without maintenance for far too long. Yet after years of being hardheaded, I learned to look for the ounces of prevention because a pound of cure can be expensive!

The ounce of prevention can cost too – in both time and money. Insurance isn’t free and car maintenance certainly isn’t. It does take time to locate and compare policies and to take the car to be serviced. Saving some money isn’t nearly as much fun as spending (at least to me) but these are small costs when you consider the alternative.

Look for areas where you can find those ounces of prevention and when you find them, take action. Because an ounce of prevention won’t do you any good once you need a pound (or more) of cure.

Taking a Technological Time Out

Cell phones, email, text messaging, status updates, tweeting, for many of us, from the moment we awake until we go to sleep, we are ‘connected’. On an episode of Dr. Phil, one woman was so addicted to texting that she stopped in the middle of intimate relations with her husband to read and respond to a text. Don’t even get me started on all of the near-miss accidents I have had because someone couldn’t be bothered to look away from the phone and actually watch the road! It’s getting to be a little much.

These technological wonders have become a part of our lives, mostly for the better, but still, our dependence is a little bit scary. So many churches and other organizations have started what they call technology fasts. The most practical ones for me are evening fasts. If you need emails and cell phones for work or to track the kids down, that’s one thing.

Yet the idea of an evening fast intrigued me. An evening fast starts when you get home from work, and ends the next morning. For those hours, there is no:

• Television
• Internet
• Phone usage (land line or cell)
• Texting
• Video Games
• GPS Systems

For an evening, you are technologically free. You can read. You can meditate. You can talk to your family members. You can take a walk. You can play with the kids. You can write in a journal. You can paint, sing, draw … but you can’t utilize technology.

Of course this does take some planning. You won’t want to do it when you have a project due or a test scheduled for the next day, but you do want to find some time to do it.

I did it for several days during a recent vacation. I found it to be liberating and calming. Perfect for a vacation! Yet, I decided to do it one evening a week when I returned home – that has proved a little more challenging.

Try it just for one evening and let me know how it goes.

Taking a Dump (but not like THAT!)

Life is good! And it’s also very busy. I've got a full-time job, three blogs to manage, a book to write and a life to lead. I’ve been running like a crazy woman and to tell the truth, I feel like it’s catching up with me.

So what is my plan for tonight? First, I’m going to do what I call a brain dump. I’ll pull out my smart phone, open up the planner and write out all the to-do’s racing through my head. I always feel better after a brain dump. Getting those ideas out of my head goes a long way to getting rid of that nagging fear that I’m going to forget something.

After that I’m going to do … nothing. Well, actually I will do a couple of things. I’m going to take a long bath, write in my journal and maybe get some reading done or find something good on television.

If I tried to work tonight, I wouldn't get anything done anyway. I’ve learned that when I’m tired and I try to force myself to work, I end up stressed and frustrated and unfocused. Any work I accomplish will take twice as long and end up half as good.

So this evening, I will relax and tomorrow, I’ll wake up rested and ready to go.

Now … I’m going to go take that dump!

Comfort Food for the Soul

Macaroni and Cheese, mashed potatoes and down here in the South, fried chicken, are the quintessential comfort foods. They offer comfort not just because they taste good but because they are surrounded with memories of simpler times – before the traffic jams, bills, multi-tasking and long work days took over our lives. Times when your days were filled with bike rides, games of tag and hide and seek and grilled cheese sandwiches.

Now, more than ever, we need comfort, but I’m interested in looking at other places to find that comfort because too much comfort food can lead to some very uncomfortable and tight fitting clothes!

We need to seek out comfort throughout the day and find ways to distress.

In the car: I fill my CD player with music I love. In fact, one co-worker got a good laugh out of me when she pulled up next to me as we were leaving work. I didn’t even see her but she definitely saw me dancing and bopping my head to Maroon 5! Sometimes it’s upbeat songs, other times it’s more mellow and subdued, on occasion it’s even been an audio book, but whatever it is, it makes for a much calmer commute.

At work: I use music at work but, and since I don't have the luxury of an office now, I treasure my headphones! When I did have an office with a door, sometimes I would just close it. Maybe it’s because I grew up as an only child, but solitude, in and of itself, can be comforting. Taking walks at my break is also a great way for me to relax on the job.

At home: My home is my sanctuary and just being there for me is comforting. There are some days that all I have to do is walk through my door and I instantly feel better. Playing with Marty (my toy poodle) is comforting too. And, nothing beats a nice warm bubble bath!

With our busy lives we have to make time to comfort ourselves and soothe our own souls. It’s not a luxury. It’s a priority. In fact, it’s a necessity. If you don’t have the time, make it. Just 15 minutes a day can be enough. Get the kids and the spouse to work with you. If you think about it, they have a vested interest. If you are happy, they are happy.

So what are you going to do today or at least some time this week to comfort yourself?

It's Worth the Effort ... Really It is!

I know a lot of people who avoid exercise like the plague. In fact, they don’t even consider exercising until the doctor tells them that they have to do it. They recoil at the thought of sweating. They look at weights and machines as something akin to torture devises! However, I want to take a little bit of time to taut the virtues of exercise for everyone. Yes, this means you – even if you don’t need to lose weight or have received a doctor’s mandate.

Recently, I was slammed at work and spent about two months coming in very early (6:00 AM) and staying late. Keeping up with my morning workouts was impossible. Now that the crunch is over, I’m getting back to my old routine and I have to say, I missed it.

Exercise is a natural stress reliever and mood enhancer. I noticed when I start my mornings with exercise; I leave for work in a better mood. Throughout the day, I find that even in stressful situations, I’m less tense and don’t experience as much of the physical symptoms that stress creates.

It sounds counterintuitive but exercise actually gives you a nice energy boost. So when you say you don’t have the energy to exercise, the ironic thing is that exercising anyway will give you more of the energy you crave!

When I exercise regularly, I can see a definite difference in my ability to focus and in mental clarity overall. I feel sharper and better able to get my work done.

Exercise doesn’t have to be a painful, stressful or negative experience. The trick is to find things you enjoy to do.

Go for a walk. (put on some good music or walk with a buddy to make it even more fun).

Dance or take a dance class.

Play outside and run around with the kids.

Golf and walk (instead of taking the buggy).

If there is an exercise you actually do enjoy, take a class or join a club. I’m a member of a hiking group. A good friend of mine joined the YMCA so she can have access to their pool.

No matter what you do, do something! It’s definitely worth the effort!

Looking Good Now

It was a rough couple of years. First there was unemployment, then there was work stress and financial stress and on top of all of that (I suspect) hormonal imbalances to boot. Basically, I’ve packed on the pounds.

I’m working hard at losing the weight but I’m finding that at 43 it’s not quite as easy as it used to be. What’s a girl to do? I work out. I eat less. I’ve eaten mini-meals throughout the day. I’ve starved myself. I’d drank enough water to grow gills. It’s been, and continues to be, a long and frustrating process.

I look in the mirror and wonder, “What happened to Karyn??? She’s disappeared under a sea of fat!” I don’t feel attractive. I don’t feel confident. I certainly don’t feel sexy. And despite my shopaholic tendencies I don’t feel like shopping either. I don’t want to buy clothes in my current size. I don’t want to be relegated to the ‘Womans’ section or Lane Bryant. I want my old body back or a reasonable facsimile.

It’s gotten so bad that I have practically worn out the few fitting clothes I have. I've had no choice but to do a little shopping. So one afternoon, I reluctantly ventured into Ross and approached my size. I headed into the dressing room with a sense of dread, my head hung low. I tried on what I’d picked out and I was horrified … not just by the size but by the unconscious transformation. I picked out frumpy, style-less, bland clothes. When I looked in the mirror, I felt less like me than I ever had before. I heard the ringing. This was my wake-up call.

I am changing. This is true. I am working on losing. I will not be this size and this weight forever. However, I need clothes now and I need to look good in those clothes now. I need those clothes to be a true reflection of me regardless of the size. So I came out of the dressing room handed the stack of bland clothes to the sales lady and made another pass at the racks.

This time I went for bright, rich and vibrant colors, not just the depressing blacks, grays and browns. I was able to find clothes that had more shape and style, not ill-fitting shapeless mumus. When I made the second trip to the dressing room, I fared better. I saw in my reflection clothes that not just fitted but reflected the woman that I am – funny, quirky and upbeat.

I got tons of compliments on two of the sweaters I’d picked out. It felt good, like I had recaptured part of myself I’d let go. I hadn’t realized how much weight had impacted my life. I had stopped feeling good about myself on the inside and it showed on the outside. I promised myself that day in that dressing rooom that it was going to stop.

The destination is important but so is the journey. So on the way to weight loss, I plan on looking and feeling my best. I owe it to myself.

Get Some Rest!

If you are like most Americans you aren’t getting enough rest. In my opinion, good preventive health has three components: a healthy diet, moderate exercise and sleep. We hear about diet and exercise all the time but we don’t hear so much about sleep. In fact, in our workaholic society not getting enough sleep is considered to be a badge of honor. Maybe we need to rethink that concept.


Over a third of Americans say they aren’t getting enough sleep (according to a 2010 study commissioned by the Philips Center for Health and Well-Being). Of those, half of them blame stress for their lack of shut eye.


Not getting enough rest can have dire consequences. Loss of productivity at work, increased risks of driving accidents, issues with mood (impatience, short temper) and increased stress are all direct effects of sleep deprivation.


But it goes deeper than that. Researchers are beginning to link chronic ailments like diabetes, heart disease and obesity to a lack of sleep. If you are dieting, you know it’s a lot harder to stay focused on your diet when you are tired and sleepy.


If you pay attention to what you eat and you make time to exercise, then it stands to reason that you ought to start valuing your rest as well.


Here are some tips for getting more rest


1. Make Your Bedroom a Sanctuary
There are two things you should be doing in the bedroom and they both begin with S (sleep and sex). Try not to bring your work into the bedroom. Also make your room as comfortable and relaxing as possible.


2. Take Time to Wind Down
I have battled insomnia all of my adult life, and I’ve found I have to make time to wind down. I make sure I’m off of the computer by 8:30 and I don’t answer my phone after 9:00 p.m. I’ve found that if I get involved in a major conversation I end up wound up after I’ve been trying to wind down! I also dim the lights tomake it more soothing.


3. Make Time for Sleep
Start with an extra 30 minutes either at night or in the morning. Recognize that sleep is a priority. A lot of driven people think that sleeping is a waste of valuable time. Change your thinking. Realize that getting enough sleep will help you be more effective and focused during your waking and working hours.


4. Drinking Does Not Help
A lot of people think a glass or two of wine before bed will help them relax. It is true … to an extent. The wine might relax you so that you get to sleep faster, but you won’t sleep as deeply and many times you may end up waking up in the middle of the night.


5. Develop a Routine
Make getting enough rest a habit and you can train your body to go to sleep earlier. After a few weeks of going to sleep and waking up at the same times (on weekends too when possible), your body becomes accustomed to it. Try this instead of sleeping pills which can be habit-forming.


Good night!

Ladies Who Lunch

Ladies Who Lunch is a term that originated in a Broadway musical to describe well-off women who have time for long, leisurely lunches. As a professional with a busy schedule, you probably wouldn't consider yourself a lady who lunches, but you should, sort of. I'm not advocating taking a two-hour, three martini lunch in the middle of the workday but I am advocating using your lunch time and taking your breaks.

Did you know, according to a 2010 survey by Right Management and Linked In, only 47% of American workers take a lunch away from their desks? Twenty percent eat at their desk, and 13% seldom or never take a lunch break at all.

Many employers even frown on taking a lunch. It looks like you are being more productive if you are tethered to your desk all day long. But guess what? Taking a lunch and maybe even a mid-morning or afternoon break actually makes you more productive. Your body and your mind need that breather. It needs the time away for physical nourishment and mental regeneration.

I too have been victim to task master bosses who equate lunch with slacking off but I also know that I feel better and my work is better if I take a breather. On nice days, I might eat at my desk while working, but I do it so I can take a short brisk walk afterwards.My methods may be unconventional but my results can't be denied.

Even if it's just 15 minutes, make a effort to get up and have a real lunch away from your desk. For those precious few moments: enjoy your food, chat with a co-worker, read a book, thumb through a magazine, play a game on your phone or take a short walk. Do something but do it away from your desk and make sure it's not work.

Be a lady (or gentleman) who lunches!

Seizing the Day ... for Couples

A commenter recently asked me an interesting question. She asked, "Any suggestions for your readers who try to seize the day, but their partners don't? How can they make changes in their relationship with the person they love if that person refuses to move forward?"


I would say to seize it anyway. It could be that your partner doesn't think that seizing the day would be worth the effort. Maybe he (or she) thinks enjoyment takes time away from meaningful work. But do what you need to do for you and it's entirely possible that your spouse may come around.

Once he sees how the benefits of seizing and enjoying the day are working for you, he may be willing to give it a try. Like it or not, people are always watching us. Living our truth is the best proof. If you talk about seizing the day but spend that day griping and complaining then those actions, and not your words, will be what people see. If your partner sees you enjoying yourself and really living your words, they might decide to join in.

Involve them in your activities. Find things that you both enjoy and can indulge in together. It's hard to get a guy to go to a chick flick. While that might be your idea of fun, to him, it would be more akin to a seizure than actually seizing the day! LOL! Share in an experience that both of you want to experience together.

Consider his concerns. Maybe he thinks that seizing the day is too time-consuming or expensive. Show him how to seize a few hours instead of a whole day or how to seize the day on a budget.

But. ...

If he doesn't join you, that doesn't mean that you should give up on seizing the day for yourself. Don't let someone else's sour attitude sour yours. Find some ways to seize the day on your own or with other friends or family. Of course we want to experience the best things in life with our partners, but just because they aren't on board doesn't mean you need to jump ship. Your happiness and your peace of mind (and even your health) are at stake and you shouldn't sacrifice those for anyone.

It's Easy!

While browsing at the library a few months ago, I stumbled across a book that piqued my interest. It was dog-earred and worn, so I knew it wasn't new. It's rugged exterior let me know that it had been read ... probably by more than a few people.

The book was Meditation Made Easy by Lorin Roche. Now, for me, meditation has never been easy. Clearing my mind of everything while sitting in an uncomfortable position and repeating some sound (that too me sounded and felt silly) just was never worth the trouble. Yet, I knew, I felt, that it would be good to be able to just quiet my frantic mind for a minute or two. Meditation could help.

I checked out the book and it made a huge difference. Roche starts by dispelling a lot of meditation myths.

1. You don't have to empty your mind.

2. You don't have to sit perfectly still or assume some yoga-looking position.

3. You don't have to chant.

Roche starts his medititation techniques right where you are - helping you develop your own methods and rituals.

Start by finding a place where you feel comfortable - you can sit, stand or even lay down. If you want play soothing music or just appreciate the silence.

His most basic technique involves doing nothing for about five minutes. All you do is sit quietly for five minutes. That's it. Let thoughts enter and exit your mind. Listen to the sounds around you. Observe your surroundings. Just be for five minutes.

Another technique is called the Salute to the Senses. Focus on one sense for 5 to 10 minutes.

Take your sight for example. Sit in a room and focus your eyes on something for roughly 30 seconds or so. Take in the color, the shape, look at the details and then shift your focus to another object. Do this for about five minutes.

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee: If you are a coffee (or tea) drinker, take a few moments to savor your coffee. Make it a meditative experience. Feel the warmth of the coffee in your hands, Take in the scent. Sip it slowly as you taste it and feel the sensations of taste and warmth.

Lorin Roache makes meditation easy by dispelling the myths and allowing you to take almost any experience and create a meditative moment.

This book did a create job of introducing me to meditation. So far, I've gone from 2-3 minutes to 15 minute sessions. I feel more focused and more relaxed. My routines might not work for everyone but they work for me.

Now I'm meditating and that's something I never thought I'd do!

Doctor, Doctor!

We talk a lot about self-care as it relates to balance, setting boundaries and taking time for self. Of course, all of that is not just important but essential, but self-care is also about taking care of yourself physically. You can eat right, you can exercise, but you still need to go to the doctor … regularly.

A lot of us only think of the doctor or the dentist when there is a problem. Acute pain means it’s time to see a doctor. Strange fluids emanating from some orifice, call the doctor. Yet, regular office visits are essential.

An annual visit with blood work can reveal high cholesterol, high levels of blood sugar. Discussing symptoms and concerns with your doctor before they reach a crisis level can possibly prevent a crisis from occurring.

But we don’t need just an annual check-up. Ladies, we also need to visit the OB/GYN annually. And, if you are over 40 or have a family history of breast cancer, we need to make sure to schedule an annual mammogram.

Men, I’m not letting you off the hook because as unpleasant as it may be, you need to make your prostate health a priority and that means an annual prostate check-up if you are over 50 or earlier if you have a family history.

Likewise, cleaning at the dentist every six months can detect cavities, gum disease and other problems before they become emergencies.

Scheduling all of these appointments can be a pain especially if you are juggling them around your work schedule. Here are some tips to keep in mind.

Start Early: Aim for the first appointment of the day. You can get in and out before the doctor has time to get backed up. Many dentist’s offices are open as early as 7:00, so you might be able to get in and out and not even be late for work!

Ask for Late Appointments: Some dentists and doctors have late days where they are in as late as 6:00 or 7:00, see if you can schedule an appointment then. Of course, if weekends are better, ask for those as well.

Spread Them Out: Don’t try to schedule all your appointments for around the same time. Spread them out throughout the year. Do this and missing some time from work won’t be as big a deal.

Use Reminders: When we change the time (springing forward or falling back), I know it’s time to schedule my doctor’s appointment. When it’s around my birthday (September), I schedule my annual check-up. OB/GYN and mammogram are scheduled around Mother’s Day.

Despite our recent health care debates, we still have some of the best health care in the world, so if you can, take advantage of it. Good health is essential to good self-care.

Karyn's Coming Back

I don’t talk a lot about my life because that isn’t the focus of this blog. This has been a difficult year. Coaching is a very part-time endeavor for me and I lost my day job on September 11, 2009. For the first time since high school, I didn’t have a job which sent me into an emotional, financial and physical tailspin.

I did what I could taking action every day contacting temp agencies and head hunters, scouring job boards, networking, trying to drum up freelance writing assignments, and looking for paying coaching clients.

I also reached out to my support system, close friends and several family members, to help me stay focused and get me through the more difficult days. I also started volunteering which helped immensely. It got me out of the house and out of my funk. It got the focus off of me and allowed me to do what I love (training) while helping others. Ironically, I volunteered for a job readiness training program. I was helping others find work!

Despite these positive efforts, this had still been an exceedingly difficult year, the hardest of my adult life. I would love to be the perfect coach and tell you that I didn’t cry a lot and that I never worried or threw myself a few big ole pity parties but I’d be lying.

I did all of those things … a lot. I also stopped doing a lot of self-care. I snapped back into an old habit of emotional eating. My workouts became haphazard as my insomnia kicked in. I was depressed. I was upset. I was frustrated and it took its toll.

Fortunately, after almost 10 months, I found work. I started at the end of June. However, I quickly realized that having a job that I enjoyed (and a decent paycheck) was just the beginning. There was (and is) definitely a light at the end of this long tunnel but right now it’s still pretty far away.

I have nine months of extra debt to dig myself out of. And, right now, I’m emotionally exhausted. It is just about all I can do to keep my blogs and newsletter up and running. Being a Google Girl, I looked up remedies for emotional exhaustion and I didn’t like what I found. Everything reinforced the importance of ‘self-care’ – eating right, sleeping, moderate exercise and making time for relaxation. I couldn't find a quick and easy fix and that is what I was wanted!

So a couple of weeks ago, I got tired of being tired. I made my self-care a priority again. I started drinking my water, getting my fruits and vegetables in and making a good nights sleep a priority. I started back to daily exercise and even added in some time in the morning for prayer and mediation.

Here it is two weeks later and I have to tell you, I am feeling better. I am sleeping better. I'm looking better. And I’m not as tired as I was. I am writing this to tell you that self-care really does make a difference! It works!

I’m not out of the woods yet. I do find myself worrying some time and other times I feel completely overwhelmed, but those times are becoming fewer and further between. Slowly, but surely, I’m beginning to feel like I can do this. I’m feeling like myself again and that feels good.

The Power of a Pretty Dress

Billy Crystal, way back on his Saturday Night Live days, used to play a character called Fernando. His catch line was "When you look good, you feel good." It was a recurring character and was a consistently funny sketch. Yet, without being shallow, there is some truth to that.

Looking good isn't everything ... but it can make a difference. A few weeks ago, a friend and I did a little shopping. I purchased a few sun dresses. Weeks later, I decided to actually take the tags off one of the dresses and actually wear it. I could not believe the result.

I had tried it on at the store and liked it, but when I put it on at home with the right shoes and did my hair and make-up, I loved it. I loved the way I looked and I felt really good. I felt confident and optimistic. I'd had a bad day the day before and this dress gave me the pick me up I needed.

I had lunch with my shopping buddy and she commented not just on the dress but on the fact that my whole aura had changed. She could see not just a pretty dress but the confidence that the dress brought out in me.

It wasn't about the designer label. It wasn't a designer dress. It cost me $15. It wasn't about being provacative or sexy because it wasn't revealing at all. It was about enhancing and drawing out the beauty not just on the outside but the beauty on the inside as well.

Never underestimate the power of a pretty dress.

Listen

I love to be busy - always have. Growning up, I had to be busy or at least doing something. I remember lingering too long in bed or laying too long in front of the TV, one of my parents would ask, "Don't you have something to do?" If not, they were always available to help. "If you don't, we could find you something do to?"

To this day, I like to be busy. Even now, if I get some free time, I find that voice in my head asking, "Don't I have something to do? Maybe you should find something to do!" Yet, there are still times when I need to calm myself down and literally go sit down somewhere.

I took some time off this weekend because I needed to. Between the release of Get It Together Girl, my day job, my weight loss efforts and a handful of personal and professional obligations and freelance projects, I was tired. Really tired. I was ripping and running and running and ripping when I hit the wall. Well, when I actually hit the wall, I was walking. Getting my 90 minute walk in. I was headed back to the house when it hit me like a ton of bricks. A wave of exhaustion literally swept over me.

When I got back home, I was useless. Although I had a few items left on my to do list, I realized they weren't going to get done. I've wasted too many evenings trying to force myself to work through the tiredness. Now, I know better.

Instead, I did something I never would have done, in past years. I took a look at my packed weekend and I pared it down. I eliminated all work projects and only left the social ones that I was really looking forward to.

As I've gotten older, I have found it easier and easier to say "No." I have yet to lose a friend over it. While some have been mildly annoyed by it, they've gotten over it. Listening to my body and taking what it is telling me seriously has made a huge difference.

After I get the rest, after I take the break, I can come back stronger, more focused and more alert than I was before. It does make a difference.

Now, when I'm taking a break and I hear that old voice asking, "Don't you have something to do." I have an answer. As I'm rolling over in the bed, or watching a movie, or taking a nice long drive, I smile and say, "Yes, and I'm doing it right now!"

Cut the Cord

Being connected is great. Email, voicemail, cell phones, Internet, … WOW! I recently joined the ranks of the Blackberry Brigade. Now, I don’t even have to be near my computer to check my email and surf the Net. But being constantly connected has its drawbacks.

When cell phones and laptops started becoming so popular, I saw it for what it was – an insidious plot to keep you working all of the time. You can be reached in the evening, on the weekends, on the road and even on vacation!

People expect to be able to reach you all the time. If you aren’t answering the home phone, then try the cell. It doesn’t matter where you are: movies, shopping, driving in a storm, you should always be connected. If you can’t phone, then at the bare minimum, you should be textable. I’ve had people text me from the movies and even from church! Now we can Twitter, so you can let your followers know exactly what you are doing every minute of the day in banal detail – from bathroom breaks to what you are having for breakfast.

But there is something to be said for being occasionally unavailable.

Have you ever left your cell phone at home and secretly savored the thrill of being temporarily off-line? Admit it, you have. It’s nice to be away sometimes. This is why I advocate occasionally going completely off-line sometimes - even if it’s just for an hour or two.

I go half-way offline when I am writing. I don’t answer my phone but I do keep the ringer on. However, on those evenings where I feel completely spent and overworked, I turn off the Blackberry, the computer and the ringers on my phones. I have Caller ID, so I won’t be missing any calls and 9 out of 10 calls aren’t all that important anyway.

You can even take it a step further and turn off the television. Read a book. Take a bath. Just sit there. Enjoy the silence. Enjoy the peace.

Disconnect from the world and reconnect with yourself.